We enter 2009 reflecting on the blessings that fill our life here in Colombia, and looking towards the many joys that lay ahead of us. As we look back it is amazing to think how much has happened in the last year... settling into a new groove as Patrycja left her full-time job and moved into being a full-time mom, part-time consultant, and still continuing her work as a yoga instructor; shifting gears as Joshua took on a new position as Head of Aid for the Canadian Embassy in Colombia; renovating and leaving our home in Ottawa; establishing a new home-base in Bogota; enjoying watching the world through Isabel's eyes as she grew from baby to toddler; and even being surprised with the blessing of a new baby on the way. It's hard to believe all this has happened in the span of a year... yet, these kind of things often seem to all shift into place at just the right moment, even if at times it seems completely overwhelming. Somehow, we have managed to move through the exhiliration and the challenges of all that has passed; and we look toward the new year with a sense of anticipation (and, to be perfectly honest, sheer exhaustion as well).
As we prepare for the arrival of Baby 'J' we are most definitely expanding our list of requests... healthy, happy, and a good sleeper. Though when we are completely honest with our expectations, we feel so grateful for all the things that bless our lives on a daily basis.
Just recently, Isabel made a friend a year older than she is... and the two of them are like peas in a pod... totally inseparable. Lucky for me, I too have found an amazing friend in her mother. It is amazing what this kind of support adds to our
daily lives. And it is even more incredible to watch what this has meant for Isabel. Her entire world has been turned upside down with this move. When we speak about kids adjusting to new circumstances we often think about how resilient they are, and how easy it is for them. In the big picture this is true; but in the practical moment, watching a young child observe and live these kind of changes, is extremely emotional. Moving to a foreign land, leaving all friends & family behind, learning a new language... the only thing remaining common, certain and consistent is the presence of her mama and papa. I don't think I could have anticipated how challenging this kind of change can be for a two year old. And I am especially thankful that I am able to be at home with Isabel to allow her the space to express her fears and to rebuild her sense of security and structure. As adults, the transition time may be longer... but we can logically understand what is going on and be completely and fully involved in all the decision making. These are life-skills that seem to develop over time. And as I fully reflect on the last 3-6 months of this transition I am deeply moved by how present Isabel has forced me to be throughout it all. I am grateful for this opportunity, and I feel in so many ways as if she is teaching me more about how to handle this with grace and patience than I could ever do on my own. It's not always easy, but when moved through from an honest place it is incredibly rewarding.
All this to say, as Isabel develops this new friendship; she has also been able to express more of her emotions about the loss of missing her friends at home, and the challenges of saying goodbye for fear that it is permanent (as with so many of her friends/family back in Canada) -- at least in her eyes. She adores the consistency of a friend she can share time with one a regular basis. And as she settles into this, she radiates even more joy.
She also continues to be completely enthralled with the idea of her little brother/sister arriving in February. She talks and sings to the belly... and the other day she even showered my belly with butterfly stickers. She is playing with her baby dolls more than ever, always talking about how she will rock baby 'j', hold him/her, and so on. It's a beautiful thing for a mom to see this kind of tenderness... truly inexplicable.
So, as we think back, gaze forward, and live in today... the thing that is most present is our gratitude. For each other, our family - immediate and extended, our friends - near and far, and the magic of the community that now spans so many parts of the world.
As usual, more photos can be found at http://picasaweb.google.ca/jpstories
On Thursday January 29th, 2009, at 3:30pm in Warsaw, Poland, my grandmother (Duza Mama) moved on from her body. She was in the comforts of her own home -- enjoyed a final cup of her favourite coffee, lay down on her bed and drifted off to sleep. It was the perfect passing that she would have wanted... calm and peaceful. She had struggled for over a year with illness as her body prepared for this time, and that was probably the most difficult time for Duza Mama. She was always a woman filled with curiousity and a zest for life: to be constricted by her body left her feeling helpless and lost. So, while loss is always filled with a sense of sadness and a realization of both how permanent and impermanent things are in this world; the fact that Duza Mama's spirit is now free to dance in the sun, not constrained by geography or physical boundaries, brings a sense of peace to my heart.
As we prepare for the birth of Baby J (official due date: February 19th), we are also reminded of the cycle of life, the magic of each moment, and the meaning we have the privilege to place on each day that we live.
There are so many beautiful memories that I have of Duza Mama - all of them celebrating an amazing life and a phenomenal woman with a free spirit. I still remember as a little girl (Isabel's age) cooking and baking with my grandmother. She always prepared the most amazing meals, and she let me help with every aspect of kitchen life. After we moved to Canada, I remember the amazing smells that filled our home each time Duza Mama would come to visit us. I also recall how much pride she took in everything she did... she herself would always say: "Heaven in your mouth" about the delicious meals she prepared. There was no conceit in her words, simply a feeling of satisfaction about what she created with love. When she first met Joshua, Duza Mama wrapped us in a scarf she had sewn and told us that this was like a circle of love that would protect us and keep us together forever. It's a wonder Joshua did not go running out the door as we had only been dating a few months... but I guess she already knew what we were just beginning to explore. That comes with the insight of years lived... and she was never shy to speak her mind: whether you liked what she had to say or not!!!
She continued to make many trips to visit us in Canada: never shy for a new adventure. She even made the long journey to Mexico in order to attend our wedding on the Mayan Riviera in April 2004. And she was swimming in the ocean with the rest of us -- getting into the water far before I would even dip my feet. In the summer of 2007, we went to visit Duza Mama in Europe so that Isabel could meet her. And even at this time, when her body was already beginning to fail her, she met us with open arms and we all cherished this precious time together.
In one of my last conversations with Duza Mama she told me how much she was looking forward to running in the fields with Isabel (and the new baby too). Her spirit is now free to run anywhere it chooses. She is not bound by her physical limitations, or the distance of geography that has separated many of us. Somehow, she always managed to transcend these boundaries with her love and immense sense of connection to family and friends -- who she valued above all else. I can feel her presence as I approach the birth of this new baby, I can feel her presence each time I bake with Isabel, I can feel her presence in the community the surrounds us. And, as Isabel said so beautifully when I told her about Duza Mama's passing: "Now we have two people watching over us: Tata (my father) and Duza Mama. So we can always be happy, cuz they are with us all the time."
