Every once in a while, we are reminded just how fragile our bodies can be at times. The last two months have certainly done this for me. We have always been so healthy, that I almost took for granted this good fortune... never to have needed to visit the hospital with the girls, not treating fevers, rarely even dealing with colds. Until, without warning, our home was invaded with germs. No one knows how they got here, they simply snuck in through the back door and decided to make our home theirs. No amount of rosemary, eucalyptus or lavender seemed to inspire their departure. My prayers to regain a sense of balance fell on deaf years... and one by one, sometimes two by two, we all fell down. At first it was a little fever, rosy cheeks and a very moody Isabel. Though the week before that Joshua was unable to swallow from the pain in his throat (then the symptoms hid undercover while his parents came for a visit)... only to return in full force and doubled the night that they departed!! Then Anaïs and I were hit with fevers and sore throats... it seemed we were spared the length of this illness (but not the intensity), as I mixed concoctions filled with cinnamon and cloves, and Anaïs drank mugs filled with golden milk (warm milk with honey and turmeric). The sore throat passed, thank heavens. However, the pause was temporary. Soon followed by a severe skin rash that covered Anaïs in red swollen blotches which moved across her body. A few days later the rash disappeared, but not without a scary couple days as the doctor recommended all sorts of tests... including a blood test. I was so amazed to watch little Anaïs quietly lying on the bed as the nurse pinched her arm to draw the blood. As the needle poked her flesh she looked at me and her face crumpled into tears; yet she remained perfectly still until the procedure was finished. Turns out it was simply an odd reaction to some food she ate (the key triggers include strawberries, pineapple, chocolate and soya sauce... the first three being some of her favourite things to eat), in part a result of her weakened immune system. Meanwhile, Isabel continued to have a runny nose and cough that would not go away. She stayed home from school for nearly two weeks. The following week, it turned out Joshua had strep throat. Slowly, my homemade remedies were being replaced by prescription drugs... but the light seemed to be shining in the distance. After over a month of EVERYONE being sick, it seemed like we were finally on the road to recovery. April was around the corner, and I was optimistically enthusiastic to be washed over with the promise of "Spring" (which is not as relevant living here in Bogotá, but the magic of the season still remains in my heart). As March turned over into May, the sun was shining outside and I was certain we were finally free of this home invasion.
Then on Friday night (April 1), I got a strange red blotch on my face over my right temple: "oh no, now i have the same rash as anaïs just survived. well, at least i know it will only last a few days." the next morning the blotch began to grow and spread across the right side of my face. My lymph nodes began to swell and cause me immense pain. By Saturday night, a fever set in. I had made a batch of Chai tea and hoped it would work its magic. I somehow made it through the night with intense chills, fever, and sweats. The next morning I was certain I needed to see a doctor... i NEVER want to see a doctor (at least not the 'medical' kind). As the day went on, I agreed to take some Tylenol... but it was not bringing down the fever (which remained firm at 40˚C/104˚F). By the early evening, it was clear that we needed an intervention. We set the girls to sleep and called in reinforcements. I settled Leo and placed him in his car seat... and off we went to the emergency room. The hospital is around the corner so we knew we were close to home. I was expecting to find out I had some strange allergy and would be sent home with some antihistamines. The check in was smooth and we got in to see someone for an assessment rather quickly. we were impressed at how quickly everything moved. The intern came in, asked a few questions, looked at my face (which I had not realized was quite swollen now), and announced that I needed to be checked in to the hospital and immediately placed on IV antibiotics.
WHAT?!?!? Seriously?!?! Joshua and I were stunned.
This can't be true. We wanted a second opinion... and we got three. Every single one came to the same conclusion. I had a severe case of cellulitis. For those of you interested, you can read more about cellulitis at
http://www.medicinenet.com/cellulitis/article.htm (or just use google for more links). Basically, it is a subdermal skin infection caused by a virus, usually streptococcus. It is not contagious, but if left untreated can be extremely dangerous. So, while i managed to escape getting strep throat, instead I got an infection that landed me in the hospital for a week.
That night Joshua had to leave with Leo. I was in total and complete shock. More painful than the infection on my face was that fact that I was being separated from Leo, that I would not be home to see the girls wake up in the morning. I could feel my heart being slowly removed from my body as Joshua departed, taking Leo with him. For five years I had managed to never be away from my children for more than a couple of hours... and now, a week?!?! As my body flooded with emotions, I was shuttled around the hospital, first to get an allergy test to determine whether I could take a penicillin-based antibiotic, then to receive a scan to ensure the infection had not migrated into my spine and central nervous system, then to have needles making a more permanent home in my left arm (one to draw blood, the other to inhale saline and antibiotics). I eventually got wheeled into a private room. My fever began to spike again and my entire body froze from the intensity of the chills. Nurses scuttled in and out of my room. I heard voices but I barely felt present. I knew the fever was fighting a strong battle, and now it had reinforcements. Anytime my fever was not drifting me into neverland, all i could do was cry. I just wanted to be home, to be with my children, to be with my husband. The night turned into day as the sun began to peak in through the window... I had lost all sense of time. Everything that I knew, all that I believed also seemed to have crumpled into ashes. All I could do was have faith... faith that this too shall pass, faith that there was a reason (which I could not understand) why i had to be away from my children, faith that everyone would be okay... faith, pure and simple.
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| The view from my room... |
The next day Joshua tried to bring Leo in to see me... it was a disaster. As soon as he saw me he started to fuss and everyone got confused and began to cry. The following day we tried a visit with the girls. It was wonderful to see them both, but the departure was heart breaking. Anaïs began to scream through her tears and Joshua tried to coax her to go home.
I realized very quickly that getting sick is not in the job description of being a mama.
Through this time, I was immensely grateful for my friends (near and far)... as soon as word got around that I was in the hospital my girlfriends came to visit, to spend time and distract my mind, to bring me delicious treats and healthy eats, to send emails filled with support and advice, to simply be exactly where i needed my friends to be. My angels, my strength when i needed it most. We often hear and read about how important it is to nurture and cherish our friends... and it is never more evident than in times of need just how valuable these connections really are.
After nearly a week away from the most important people in my life, I was packed and ready to go the second I woke up in the morning... even as I awaited the final okay from the doctors.
As I reflect on this time, I am taught some very important lessons. Some may seem cliché, but at this moment, to my heart, they are very real and very true.
I have come to believe that the silver lining is not always in clear sight, but it is always in existence.
I know that I could not survive moments like this without my friends and my family.
I have been shown that I am not good at 'reaching out for a helping hand'... yet I am blessed with people who know how to 'reach in' when i need it the most (especially when i 'forget' to ask).
I have seen angels come in the most unexpected forms... and learned to accept their gifts without guilt, and therefore with more room for gratitude.
I have realized (yet again) that there is nothing more precious than this moment.
I have been filled with immense gratitude for the amazing blessings that fill my life.
I have been reminded that through the good and the bad, there is always an opportunity to grow and be the best we can be... there is rarely an excuse to shrivel our potential.
I know that nothing is more important to me than my family... and that this knowledge inspires me to always hope and work for a better world.
I have seen that the best way FOR ME to survive is to let go, let flow and let be... whatever it may be... it simply is what it is. Nothing more, and certainly nothing less.
I have been amazed and inspired by the strength and insight of my children... the way they are able to see the world and unravel the truth with their eyes, their words, their presence.
I have learned to trust in moments when my trust is weakest.
I have learned to ask for help... well, okay... I am learning, but it's a start.
Above all, I have learned to expand my sense of compassion and gratitude. I have a new appreciation for what it means to be sick... and this only gives me more incentive to do what I can to stay healthy, and also to offer more kindness to those who bear bigger burdens than mine.
