Happy Halloween!!!

Our Halloween was full, full, full of fun! The girls had a ball dressing up and going from one festivity to another... Isabel got to go to school in her pink faery outfit (which she adored showing off to everyone and posed for us at the elevator on her way out).

Isabel meditating & all dressed up for school

Isabel the pink faery

On Saturday we all went to a Halloween gathering with friends from the US Embassy in the morning... this time Isabel wanted to dress up as 'the cow' and Anaïs chose to be the flower faery. Isabel had a ball dancing, singing and even bobbing for apples (she was so proud to pull the apple out of the bucket with her teeth)!!!

Anaïs dancing in her flower faery outfit

Isabel having fun dancing with friends

Isabel bobbing for apples

Isabel so proud to have gotten that apple out of the bucket

Anaïs waiting to get her face painted

In the afternoon we had yet another celebration at a dear friends house and this time both girls wanted to be faeries. We were having such a great time that I did not take any photos of this party... which I am so sad about because everything was so spectacular. Our hosts decorated their home into a maze of a haunted house (just perfect for kids). Adults and kids alike were dressed up in such creative outfits it was a treat for the eyes. And the food... well, let's just say that nothing beats southern cajun flare when it comes to good cookin'!!!

the girls made beautiful pumpkin crafts... Anaïs chose to paint her pumpkin blue with white sparkles, and Isabel opted for purple with pink sparkles... I am thinking i will keep them as nice christmas decorations!!!

And then in the evening, I even got to go to a Halloween party with some good friends... I had planned to dress up as a snowball (but did not end up getting all the gear in order). So, I went as a 'homemade pumpkin'. I figured I had to work with the belly a little to sass up my attire.

That's me... as a pumpkin... though in retrospect, i should have dressed up as a plum!?!

Today, we decided to take it easy in the morning with a trip out to Parque 93 (and not dress up clothes for a change). 

Enjoying the log swing at Parque 93 after a yummy breakfast!!

In the evening, we took a short stroll through Santa Ana (adjacent to our neighbourhood) and the girls had a blast going door to door to gather treats into their little pumpkins. Isabel returned to her pink faery outfit, and Anaïs tagged along as her loyal little ladybug. Joshua sported a his lovely Roman Soldier gear, and I went as a pink wood faery (outfit chosen by Isabel). Watching the girls chant "Triki, Triki Halloween, Quiero dulces para mi..." made the night a real treat for all of us.

The roman soldier and the lady bug

the pink faery

the faithful ladybug

triki, triki halloween...

Hope you all enjoyed a fantastic Halloween. Enjoy the candies (ours have been distributed amongst the guards already). Tomorrow is a national holiday and we are looking forward to a fun show by Max Tell... more to come!!!

celebrating ordinary days...with a cup of water

a moment to remember

In the spirit of celebrating ordinary days... i wanted to post one of my favourite memories from this week. The girls, running around in minnie mouse headbands and finding fun playing with a cup of cold water... the sheer joy and laughter that filled the room was spectacular... i can still hear it resonating in the walls and in my heart.

infectious laughter

curious eyes

the gift of an ordinary day

The other day a good friend sent me this link to a reading of an excerpt from a new book by Katrina Kenison ~ The Gift of an Ordinary Day. If you have seven and a half minutes (and a tissue by your side) you might want to take a moment out of your day to watch/listen.


The Gift of an Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison

The reading inspired me. It reminded me of just how beautiful each day can be when we truly engage with it... and above all, the simple fact that we always have a choice about what we choose to see and feel in each moment; how we embrace the start of a day; and even how we reflect on the passing of it.

For me, there is something even more profound: living in the moment isn't all there is, it is also about having a sense of perspective as to how this moment fits into the cycle of our lives, of the universe, of the people/the world/the connections that surround us, that define us. Everything passes, and everything changes... this is one of my mantras when i move through 'one of those more challenging parenting days'. It has saved me, and given me strength and patience when I thought none was left. It has acted as a light that could guide my way through the darkness when I was unsure what step to take next. This simple phrase has given me the grace to be present so that I do not miss out on the magic of those 'ordinary days'. It has allowed me to 'let go and let flow' in a way that I never imagined I could.

As I listened, one statement in Katrina's passage resonated with me so deeply I felt a need to write it down and feel the words move through my lips, see them on paper, and now on the computer screen. 

She says: "Learn the art of letting go, by practicing it in the present: savouring each moment as it is right now. If motherhood teaches us anything, it's that we cannot change our children, we can only change ourselves."

There were so many more gems and beautiful words. Many of them still dancing in my mind and my heart as I feel waves of genuine joy and reflection. I am moved by a tremendous need to cuddle my girls and to drink up their smiles. I am not left thinking about the lack of sleep or frustrated at tired tears. I want to continue to choose to be the best mama, wife, friend and daughter that I can be... to love without boundaries and accept without conditions. I am inspired, all over again, to simply celebrate the magical gift of 'an ordinary day'.

reflections...

Motherhood is not what we imagined. It is more delightful, more heartbreaking... It is not the calm after the storm we have been led to expect. It is almost more than a person can bear. Almost.  ~ Ariel Gore, The Mother Trip

Anaïs amused by her reflection

It is amazing to me how much our children mirror our own moods, our sensations, our fears. I never cease to be surprised (though i don't know why anymore) at how when I feel stressed or off-balance or especially tired, my girls seem to move into their own whirlwind of misbehaviour... often pushing me further into a state of anxiety. Suddenly the cycle escalates before I even have a moment to take a breath. Of course, I can see this all very clearly when I am feeling grounded, rested and at ease... it is so much more challenging in the heat of the moment.

I am keenly aware that when I feel at a loss, my children are my stress barometers. If I can pause long enough to listen, I often realize that it is not their misbehaviour which is the trigger... but rather my own state at that moment. And as I continue to reflect on how I can engage more passionately and consciously in these experiences, I am finding the magic of crafts as a calming activity. It is an odd place for me to venture as i have never believed myself to be someone gifted with creativity. Yet, as I learn from my children, I am discovering a whole new set of tools for finding my way -- leaning on others for support (like my dear friend Sarah who always manages to whip up the best treats and get her kids involved in the process, my friend Annie who incorporates felting and yoga with her children and her community, or blogs like Soule Mama and websites like Kids Craft Weekly). The resources seem to be endless, but applying them is not always as easy as it seems on paper... at least not for me. Though I am realizing just how important these tools are on my own path of self-discovery.

I never imagined motherhood to offer me so many opportunities for growth... and yet, for me, it has become a spiritual path unlike anything I had expected or prepared for. As I walk on this journey, I have observed that anything can offer us this kind of gift if we are open to the experience... we can find it in sports, in work, in play, in meditation. It seems to be more about being present and open to the experience unfolding before us, than any particular set of rules. I know I certainly did not come to this wonderful, crazy, daunting and magical world of motherhood looking for a spiritual path. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, it was as if it was a part of my genetic make-up... and yet I never expected it would offer me so many opportunities for growth.

I still remember my, perhaps naïve, notions of the joys of engaging with my children, watching them grow, seeing the world anew through their eyes, teaching them, and learning from them... sharing the beauty of this experience with my husband. I was certainly not anticipating the reality... the sleepless nights, the complete loss of privacy, the constant repetition, the lack of patience, the disappearance of time as i knew it, the self-doubt, the feelings of isolation, the inability to finish a sentence/project/conversation... and did i mention the repetition and the sheer exhaustion. I found myself lost in moments where I wondered how I could have desired this all my life, and yet feel so completely helpless and unprepared for the reality of it all.

And it is these moments of uncertainty that have inspired my search for tools... tools that can inspire a sense of tranquility (both for me and my girls), tools that will help me cope with situations when they seem to spiral out of control (and that help me realize what an illusion 'control' is in the first place), tools that will help me grow, tools that will help me cope...

At first I remember searching for answers from 'experts'. I was convinced that if only I could find the right recipe/formula my children would 'also' sleep all night, eat perfectly balanced meals without a fuss, always mind their manners with grace, greet everyone around them with a smile, never have a melt-down, and the list goes on. My 'romantic' notion of parenthood somehow included a reliance on expertise and guidelines that would help me do things 'the right way'. Oh how quickly my little angels burst those bubbles. Isabel taught me from the earliest days of her life that things don't always unfold as we expect them too, and that the only person who can really see inside of the glass bowl is the one living inside it. The idea that there is a 'right choice' in any situation quickly became an illusion as I tried to just make it through the days and nights and days and nights that seemed to melt into each other without any patterns of sleep. And then, as I explored more deeply, I was amazed at how easy it is to offer advice, and how difficult it is to actually listen and support. There are such opposing schools of thought on the many issues related to parenthood -- whether they are about sleep, discipline, nursing, feeding, routines, playtime, education, and so on. All of them might have their own merit, but at what point did I decide that 'someone else' is more an expert on raising my children than I am... when did I decide that an outsiders opinion matters more than my own... when did we all, as parents, caregivers and human beings stop supporting each other and start judging, criticizing and bullying.

When facing the daily demands of parenting, i can be difficult just to find a moment to sit down... there is always something to be done. And so finding a moment to reflect and be present can be equally as challenging as we get into the rhythm of rushing from one experience/milestone to another. So we reach out to friends and support networks to help us survive along the way... and sometimes the communities we discover are amazing. But sometimes they can make us feel inadequate and unable to cope with the realities of parenting. I often wonder why we cannot all be a little more tolerant and supportive of each other... yet I suppose this is not something unique to motherhood... intolerance is a part of our religions, our nations, our activities, our work, our daily lives. For me, this is yet another way that my children have become spiritual teachers... for they trigger my own responses and in trying to parent more conscientiously truly inspire me to become the best person i can be. this is not to suggest that these little creatures are some kind of 'enlightened beings' whom we should try to emulate... rather, it is a celebration of their ability to be straightforward, honest, uninhibited and fully present.

As such, children can teach us a tremendous amount... though in the process of learning, we might need a few coping tools to help us along the way (at least I know I do)!! So thanks to all of you creative souls - both friends and strangers - who inspire me and offer up so many incredible tools that I can use to get through and live more joyfully with my family. I am so grateful. Thanks to you, I can put away the 'experts' and just live spontaneously and enthusiastically in this moment... letting the natural passion for creativity of my girls lead the way.

choices...

Isabel reflecting on something for a moment

Everyday we make choices... big ones, small ones, unconscious ones, alert ones, creative ones, mundane ones... choices, choices, choices. Sometimes we do not even realize we are making a choice as we move through from one moment to another, from one sensation to the next. Sometimes the choices seem to overwhelm us and we get lost in the details and lose any sense of perspective on the choice we are actually making. Some choices need to happen instantly and there is not time to think... we act, and then (if we have the time/inclination) we reflect later. At these moments we might hope that it is our instincts that are guiding us to making our choice and we can be happy with our decision. Or perhaps there are other drivers... habits, fears, illusions.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the choices we make that we don't even think about. The choices that live underneath the surface and yet make us who we are and how we are in the world.

One of the challenges of parenting is trying to make the best choices we can... not just for ourselves anymore, but for our children too. The choices we think through offer us time to consider the pros and cons, and to reflect on what biases might be influencing our tendencies to move in one direction or another. Yet, it's the choices that go unnoticed that are giving me pause at this moment. I have found myself wondering why I react a certain way, why I lose my patience far more often than I would like, why my tension might escalate in one direction or another in any given situation. I know that lack of sleep does not help me stay present in these moments... and yet, it also seems like an illusion to the real reason why I might react in one way or another.

The other day, Isabel and I were having a wonderful time at the park. We started walking home and she was telling me about something... when I did not clearly understand what she was saying she got frustrated and exploded into tears. We took a moment and I after she calmed down a little I asked her what happened? She said that she did not know... all of a sudden she just could not control herself. In that moment I felt a deep insight into something that is such common sense... we react, we do not always have the facilities to think about, our emotions take over... and yet, one of the huge treasures of being human is that we have a choice.

So, since this moment, I have placed a conscious challenge upon myself to do my best to think before I react... especially with my children. In the moment when chaos seems to reign, everyone is exhausted, we are rushing out for school... or any multiple reasons for why things don't go as we 'expect'... it is easy to lose perspective. And yet, I know (when I am not in that moment) that I can take a breath and let the emotions run their course... and then react consciously, rather than automatically. It is my goal, my hope to do this more... breathing in i calm myself, breathing out... i smile.

As i finish writing this it feels more like a 'diary entry' than a blog post... and yet i feel inspired to share it. Perhaps it's the publicity of it that makes me feel more compelled to commit to my resolve to be more present, more patient and more conscious... to laugh more and to worry less.

Thanksgiving... Giving Thanks!!

Sometimes life seems to go exactly according to plan. Our expectations are met at every turn and curve in the road, and nothing seems impossible. At these moments it is almost easy to be filled with a sense of gratitude and true contentment with our lives. After all, everything is going just as we want it to be. Yet, how do we maintain this feeling of thankfulness when things do not go as we imagined... whether in little ways, huge ways or tragic ones. How to we keep hope, joy and gratitude alive when we are moving through emotions of pain, or simply finding it difficult to wake up in the mornings, or just bothered by something around us (at work, at home, in our community).
Thanksgiving is one of my favourite holidays... not because I am well aware of it's history or context, but because I love the name that it has been given. I love that, at least in theory, it is about bringing people together to give thanks. Taking a moment to reflect on our blessings; to recognize that no matter what we may want/have/need... there is always something to be grateful for. And in finding our source of inner gratitude, opening up to that part of ourselves that can embrace accepting the flow of life... perhaps controlling a little less, and letting flow a little more.

the little cow whispering secrets to the green faery

As we celebrated another Thanksgiving away from home and family, I found myself tremendously grateful for the opportunities living abroad has given to our family... of course all of the easily recognizable things like learning a new language, embracing a different culture/way of life, expanding our community, trying new things, meeting some phenomenal people along the way (some passing through, and others leaving permanent footprints on our hearts), learning about ourselves through the challenges and luxuries of this life, and so on. Yet the part that filled me with an abundant feeling of true grace was reflecting on the time together as an immediate family unit. The gift I have received of being able to be at home with my girls, the evenings (when available) of time shared with my husband, the times we have carved out to do things together... without distraction.
At the same time, I also found myself reflecting on some of the challenges, not only in our daily lives, but of our friends (both near and far), and of people all over the world facing immense hardships for reasons that we cannot seem to fully understand. And it was this thought pattern that led me to pause and really think about what it means to be thankful. Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in things not going according to 'plan' (our personal plan); so easy to get frustrated at the people around us, specific situations, and even ourselves. These seem to be the little things that get in the way of us embracing gratitude. So often, even today, I find myself guilty of these kind of patterns. So easily allowing my mind and then emotional state to wander into frustration, rather than simply letting go and being okay with the situation at hand. Knowing that everything passes and everything changes. Letting gratitude, rather than control, guide my way.

Then there are the tragedies... personal, professional, natural devastations. Things that are completely out of our control and yet spin our life into a pattern of uncertainty. Shaking our faith in all that we know, all that we trust, all the we believe in. This is the part that feels even more complicated for me. How do we find grace in moments of sheer devastation? And yet, as I look more deeply (with my heart, not just my eyes), it is often these moments in time that allow the most beautiful parts of the human spirit to shine. Somehow, in the face of struggle our heart has an opportunity to open (or perhaps 'break open'). And in that opening we let go of the faces we try to hold and we simply are... nothing more than a human spirit trying to get through the day. I feel like I have most recently witnessed this with a good friend who is going through an incredibly devastating personal, physical and emotional ordeal. And yet in this process, despite her entire foundation being shaken to the core, she is still managing to find a way to let her light shine, to find blessings in the tragedy. The days are not easy, and often darkened with tears... yet her heart has stayed alive... alive to the pain, and to the possibilities. I am in awe of her words (sent from afar), and I am inspired by her self reflection to look even more closely... at human response to natural disasters around the world. People finding a way to show grace, no matter what their predicament.

And so, it is in the spirit of gratitude, that I give thanks today.... the multiple blessings in my life, and for the ability of people all over the world to find their own personal source of thanksgiving.

as if overnight...

Anaïs staring out as the merry-go-round spins!!

In the past couple of days it seems as if Anaïs has transformed her communication to include real words. She has always been incredibly clear, and her complete understand of both Spanish & English (and some Polish) has been astounding (not just to me as her mama, although i do admit I am biased). However, while she was always happy to repeat a word as we read books, she never felt any need or shown much desire to incorporate words into her daily exchanges with us or the rest of the world. And suddenly, as if overnight, she has started to use words independently and coupled in pairs. The other night as we sat on the couch looking out the window she said: "Look mama, moon." My jaw nearly dropped and she was filled with glee at my surprise... so she proceeded to point and say: "Moon, on" (as if someone had turned on the moonlight in the sky). It was a precious moment as we gazed up at a crescent moon together and she cheerfully tried out more and more words... moving from a collection of barely recognizable syllables (that I am certain were mimicking words, but never with enough consistency to keep track) to playing with all sorts of sounds that actually resembled words in the English and Spanish language (and even a couple Polish words, as she asked me to sing our little lullaby by saying: "ah, Koki" - meaning 'kotki' translated into cats).

Isabel & Mavi going down the slide... happy to be together in the sunshine, celebrating Mavi's 3rd Birthday!!!

On the very same night, Isabel also managed to fill my heart with a smile as she hugged me endlessly before bed. Finally, in an attempt to lure her to curl up to sleep, I said: "You are giving me so many wonderful hugs, make sure you save some for Groovy & Sleepytime" (her current sleep companions). To which she casually replied, "It's okay mama, I won't run out... I make hugs in my sleep." I could not help but laugh, as she cuddled up with her 'babies' and drifted off to sleep.

It's been another wonderful start to our weekend... a lovely play-date with good friends on Friday morning, a baby shower for a good friend on Saturday (early afternoon) followed by a birthday party for one of Isabel & Anaïs's good friends Mavi, a fun breakfast with friends on Sunday morning at the Italian Club... all days filled with sunshine, so good for the soul!! And tomorrow we are looking forward to hosting a small wine & cheese with the embassy folks who are around to celebrate Thanksgiving. There is definitely no shortage of things to be grateful for... though right now, my thanks is quite simple: the girls are in bed and I have some time to get things ready for tomorrow... off to the kitchen I go!!!

a perfect family weekend

We never really know what each day has in store... and some days pass by faster than others (something Isabel reminded me of the other day when she was reflecting on how some days at school seem so much shorter than others). And as we were talking before bed on Thursday she excitedly said: "Tomorrow is Friday, and then we have two days of rest." She paused for a moment to say: "Let's not do anything this weekend... just be together and relax." A sentiment I think we all shared as we had just come off a string of a full month of back to back birthdays with at least two or three celebrations each weekend. As fun as they all were, there really was no time to just 'do nothing' and refuel the batteries.

Anaïs & Isabel taking a little 'reading break' from their morning yoga instruction.

On Saturday morning Isabel & Anaïs led a yoga class with mama - pausing for a 'reading break' every once in a while. They were excited to teach the class and insisted on me following their poses; as they each took turns leading us in a posture or series.

Isabel dancing with her reflection in the fireplace glass wearing her new faery outfit.

In the afternoon we took the girls for a swim (one of their favourite activities). Isabel is now jumping in fearlessly (even without her wings), and we tried the wings on Anaïs who promptly swam off in a doggie paddle (one of the benefits of being the second child... she learns so much just by watching her big sister)!!
Of course, this being Bogotá in October, as we left the house the sun was shining so we decided to walk... and within minutes got caught in a huge rainfall walking to the pool (thank goodness we have learned to always be prepared with umbrellas and extra clothes)!!
As the swim, we went out for an early dinner at one of our favourite little restaurants: Wok. Then for ice-cream (vanilla for Isabel, chocolate for Anaïs) at Crepes & Waffles. And rounded it off with some playtime at a little indoor amusement park at the local mall. We walked home all feeling tired and happy. Once home, Isabel insisted on a night-time drive (something her papa had promised her the night before)... so we did a bath, changed the girls into pyjamas, packed up some snacks and off for a drive around the city. A deliciously relaxing day.

Trying to ride in a straight line at Ciclovia.
Check out all the bikes in the background.

The next day we took Isabel for her first bike ride on ciclovia - a Bogotá tradition whereby some of the main roads close (or partially close) on Sundays and holidays (7am-2pm) to create a space for people to take walks, ride bikes and enjoy the fresh air. Isabel was all smiles riding her bike next to papa.  Isabel was so happy to just get to ride along... and we had to keep reminding her to ride in a straight line. She was just to excited to even concentrate riding freely. Oh the magic of childhood... no rules, no fears, just the freedom to be in the moment with her experience!!!

Isabel with a permanent smile on her face.

Anaïs enjoying a yummy watermelon
as we took a quick picnic break.

On the way home I went to pick up some groceries to make pumpkin cupcakes, and the girls went with papa to pick up some local flowers!

Five sunflowers in a row...

... hiding Isabel, what a show!!

We finished the day with a visit from two dear friends, football (after all, it is Sunday!!) and yummy pizza. Delightful. I share all this to offer you a little glimpse into our lives... and really, a way for me to celebrate the things that bring us the most joy: time with each other, enjoying whatever the day has in store. It truly is a blessing to recognize just how much we love just to be together!!

Wow... these sunflowers are taller than me!!!

Still a weirdo...

"Now I know... I took for granted that things would always go the way I wanted... I was going to be a treetop, a sea..."
"I don't always get it right... but a thousand different ways and I just might..."

Isn't it amazing how often a song, a book, a photography, a painting... any form of art... speaks to us and resonates in a way that we never even expected. A good friend living on the other side of the ocean sent me a link to this song in 'celebration of freedom'... freedom from the forces that surround us which bring us down, penetrate our minds, move us to question our own motivations and sometimes even give up our dreams. This song reminds me exactly of how I felt for the last year, our second year living abroad... very much a weirdo.

It's also made me reflect on all the things that make me feel like a weirdo, and come to a realization that it is these things that make me who I am. Rarely feeling a need to shift others in my direction; but often wishing for a little more acceptance in every direction.

Still a Weirdo by KT Tunstall


Now, as I look back on the last year, I feel so grateful for doing the things I believe in... even if they did at times make me feel 'weird'. Knowing that I won't always get it right, so many of us don't... and yet knowing even more deeply that this is all part of the growing, the learning and the joy of being human.

So to all of you who may sometimes feel like weirdos... how perfect you are just as the person you are. This truly is a little jingle to laugh about the insecurities and celebrate finding our own way. And for me, as I look forward, a celebration of feeling free and truly embracing all my 'weirdo-ness'.

Snow in Bogotá??!!

This afternoon Anaïs & I went out for a walk... as we walked outside we watched the sky turn black. The air was warm and it was oddly still. We were planning a little play in the park, but as the daylight continued to disappear I began to wonder if we were in the calm before the storm. We slowly began to head back home, enjoying the warm air and the peacefulness that seemed to surround us.

in my hand a little snow will fall

We walked into our building and by the time the elevator door opened upstairs we were greeted by a full on hailstorm outside our window with enormous pellets of ice beating against the walls and windows of our apartment. It was an incredible transition from the stillness we had experienced as we were outside just moments before.

positively captivated by the ice pellets

Of course, the girls were both fascinated by the ice... and we went outside for about an hour. First making 'snowballs' and tossing them in the puddles, then searching for ice pellets in the grass, warming up hands, and having fun exploring this whole new side of Bogotá weather.

throwing snowballs

If I remember correctly, the last time we had 'snow' in Bogotá was four days after Anaïs was born - Feb 14, 2009. It was so incredible to see the grass here covered in patches of white... and the feeling of awe was equally captivating... even if it only lasted for a moment.

cold hands on belly

warming hands up under her sweater