A peaceful visit with Budi

Connected from the heart... Budi & Isabel.

How incredibly blessed I am to have enjoyed two peaceful and restorative weeks with my mom... impeccable timing is an understatement; moments shared together that will be cherished forever by me and my girls. My gratitude is bursting at the seams.

Coy & pretty at the dining table.. enjoying some post-dinner conversation!!

Happy 1st Birthday Anaïs!!

Today Anaïs turns one. A year since she arrived in our world... blessing us with her giggles, her smiles, her strength. She is completely unique from her older sister... a woman of her own making already. She has a mind of her own and will not be stopped. She is fearless and wants to try everything... and when she does not get it right the first time she will try again. Her persistence is inspiring. She is joy... when she laughs, when she smiles... our world lights up. She observes everything, listens intently and has incredible comprehension (both in english & in spanish)... and yet she is not eager to talk herself (barring a few sounds here and there that seem to resemble words). She started walking last month and has been running since... she is unstoppable from morning until nightfall. She reminds me of her father in her calm way... even though she is extremely active and will no doubt excel at sports (already she has a great arm), she is also very peaceful and one cannot help but feel a sense of calm when around her.

Anaïs turns one today... looking pretty in pink!!

We celebrated her birthday starting with a call from papa... she walked around holding the phone to her ear and smiling. Keenly aware of the voice on the other end and somehow seeming to understand that he was not with us, but could still be a part of the day. In the morning a few close friends came to share carrot muffins with cream cheese icing (we decided to wait until papa was home before having the 'official' cake). My mom also came to be a part of the fun... she had arrived on the evening Anaïs was born exactly a year prior, so she planned to be here for her first birthday as well. With Joshua away the timing was perfect. What a gift she has been. I guess angels take on many different forms... yet they always seem to arrive just when we need them most... even when we are not expecting it.

Isabel celebrating her sisters 1st birthday!!

The girls having fun together!!

remembering haiti

A tragedy is a tragedy... no matter where in the world it happens, no matter where in the world we might be. Sometimes, when it is far away, we can keep our distance... perhaps it is a coping mechanism, perhaps it is human nature. We can somehow trick ourselves into believing that it is not personal... perhaps it's not. Or perhaps it is always personal if we just open our hearts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB7L1BIDELc&feature=related

On Tuesday, January 12, 2010 a 7.0 earthquake devastated Haiti. Living as far away as Colombia, everyone at the embassy was instantly drawn into the trauma as each one of us knew someone living in Haiti... all of a sudden a natural disaster became personal. It was not in our own backyard and yet it touched our hearts. The world response seemed the same... everyone made efforts to offer help. A week later the situation become even more personal for our family as Joshua was called away on a three-week mission to coordinate the response efforts in Leogane. This would be the longest that he would be away from the girls, and he would be missing Anaïs turning one... the longest he and I would be apart since the Indian Ocean Tsunami in December 2004. It seemed a difficult decision, and yet it was no decision at all... Joshua had to go. We all wanted him to go. In a moment of utter helplessness, he was able to do something... he was able to help.

And as the time passes the media coverage slows down, the conversations turn to new topics and life moves on... as it moves on in Haiti as well. But the earthquake reconstruction was just the first step... now it is about rebuilding lives... it is about starting over... with a new hope, with a new light, with courage and patience.

The song, Wavin' Flag by K'Naan, inspires me and brings tears to my eyes each time i hear it... it opens my heart and reminds me what it means to be present in all the world has to offer. To me it is about hope... it is about strength... it is about about our ability to keep our hearts open and allow ourselves to feel... even when it is easier to turn away. It is about life... and the power each one of us has in our intentions, in our words and in our actions.

friends and family... saving grace

As I am experiencing the life of being a single mama I am blessed with a visit from two incredible friends... people who live life from the core of their being, people who are true to their values, people who are true.

Winnie & Oliver reading to Isabel... can you tell how happy she is?!?!

Winnie & Oliver came to visit for just a few days... following an amazing trip to the Galapagos. While it was disappointing that we could not do as many things as if Joshua had been around... the timing of their visit could not have been more perfect for me and the girls. Such a wonderful distraction... such a saving grace. Yet again i felt touched by angels.

Now Anaïs has two people chasing her... could this be any more fun!!

Especially in the solitude of life abroad, visits from good friends are so good for the soul. They can remind us of ourselves... seems an odd thing to say, but when living abroad I constantly feel I am sharing myself and yet not always being understood. It is perhaps a combination of the tentative nature of this life and the lack of history in the friendships that are formed. I had been so lucky when we first arrived with an instant friend... who sadly departed only months after we got here. And yet her presence in those first months was invaluable... more than i even realized at the time. She was my entire social fibre and emotional support in a transition that was more difficult than i had expected. And after she left it was like starting over... with all its ups and downs. Some people coming into my world for just a moment and others feeling so secure and yet disappearing without a trace. The fragility of it all at times becomes overwhelming. And the constant forming and reforming of new bonds... at times exhausting. Opening your heart... hoping that it is received and understood... sometimes it is, and sometimes it is not... never really knowing.

And then friends 'from the past' come to visit... people who have known you for years, people who seem to understand your heart and your values. People who may not always share the same ideals and yet you know you can be truly transparent and they will 'get you'. Wow!!! Sometimes it really is the little things that become the big things.

While they were here Winnie & Oliver spent time with us at the park and just 'lived our daily life'... taking walks and exploring the neighbourhood. One day they ventured out downtown only to get stuck looking for a taxi... took them nearly two hours to get home (welcome to Bogotá). The next two days they were happy to stay closer to home... they had done their travelling. I am beyond grateful for their visit... and their impeccable timing. We love you both.

A rare photo of Mama & Anaïs together. Thanks Winnie & Oliver!!

thoughts, words, self-expression

as Anaïs moves from observation to babbling to a few somewhat coherent expressions, i am reminded of how amazing the transition to speech is in young children. at first with sounds that do not seem to resemble anything coherent (at least not to the verbal world), and then the ones that clearly start to hold meaning, suddenly first words, sentences... and before my eyes i now watch Isabel talking without cessation. Her words are a part of her connection to the world around her, and continue to show how vital communication is in her life. I am also struck by all the things she says and realize that I need to write more of them down so that I do not forget the words that make me laugh, cry and simply appreciate what a wonderful life it is. Here are a few samplings that have recently come to my mind...

Isabel rocking out to AC/DC... her favourite car tune is hells bells (she likes to play her 'pretend' piano). but my cherished moment is listening to her sing 'shook me all night long' as we walk to yoga...

While Nana and Jid'do were visiting, the 'older girls (isabel included, of course) went out to get our nails painted... we all had an amazing time. On our way home Isabel saw a little baby in a cradle (baby Jesus, to be precise), and wanted to bring the little baby home... so we did. Nana asked Isabel what she was going to name her new baby. Isabel said: "Grandy. And when she grows up you will have a mama again." (note: Grandy is Mallory/Nana's mom who passed away a few years ago). How she put this together without any prompting or guidance is one of the mysteries of childhood... and only further confirms for me that the connection children hold to the world we do not see with our eyes or hear with our ears is more powerful than we realize.

Before Anaïs was born Isabel was adament that she was having a baby sister (she was right). When I would ask her what she should name her new brother/sister... first she would always say, "mama, it will be a sister". And then she would suggest Isabel as a name of choice. "But that is your name" I would counter. To which she would say: "Well, i will have to share everything else, why not my name also." (that left me speechless)

When I insisted that she help me think of a boys name, she would suggest "Isabella"... her way of saying "Please mama, i've already told you she would be a girl."

Shortly after Anaïs was born, Isabel said: "Mama, i am so happy to have a sister because I never like to be alone, and now I have a friend for life." (i am not sure she always feels this way anymore... but that she uttered these words without reservation at meeting her new sister put such a smile on my heart i never want to forget it).
I think one of the things I find most incredible right now is the questions Isabel poses... they are tireless, but at the same time so thoughtful. She does not simply ask 'why'; she actually puts the question into context full of curiousity as to the cause and effect of a given situation. It makes it a lot harder to just brush her off...and at times so very, very exhausting. But as always, I am inspired by a resolution to spark her curiousity not dampen it. It is a beautiful thing to want to learn, know and understand the world around us.

Anais & Papa love performing this little party trick... it never gets old!! And Anais seems happiest when she is doing something daring...right now that involves walking as much as she can!!

Anaïs's current vocabulary currently consists of: dada, mama, ba & hola (accompanied by a wave when greeting someone or saying farewell). She also seems to have figured out the signs for thirsty and food. When she needs to go to the bathroom she crawls over to her potty and puts it on her head... effective and clear (and keeps me on my toes to keep the potty clean). And when she is excited she flaps her arms like a bird and yells: Doi, doi, doi. Her comprehension in Spanish, English and Polish certainly far exceeds her words, but she is not shy to tell you what she needs/wants... even if she does not have the words figured out yet. Though I know now watching Isabel that it won't be long... and once she starts talking the fun just gets funner (and at times more challenging too).

your comments

i just wanted to say THANKS for all of the awesome comments... i am so blessed to have such a wonderful community of people who take the time to read my words and thus give additional meaning to my thoughts on this journey. i love the feedback and i love knowing that my inspired ramblings at times have an impact beyond so often cluttering my mind. i also love that the messages take on a life of their own as they are interpreted by you... it is as if the comments give the idea wings so it can take flight and travel the world.

grace, light, love and anticipation

isabel with nana & jid'do in usaquen square by the christmas lights

2010, January 1 marks the beginning of a new year and a new decade... i am filled with a sense of immense love for my children & my husband, anticipation for the possibilities, gratitude for my friends and family, awe for the world around me, peace in my heart & the world within me, and sheer joy for the present moment. It is an amazing feeling and makes me look forward to the year ahead, as I enjoy what is here and now. I am inspired by the people around me who fill me up in the moments my cup feels more empty than full. I am amazed at how the simplest things can often be the most difficult to understand and take root. I am committed to trusting myself, my voice, my instinct... even when I cannot explain or justify it. I am thankful for you, for me and for all the blessings that surround us in abundance. I feel both completely still and fully energized. It is a new year... what lightness it brings. Each morning, my daughter wakes up and says: "Let's play" (and continues to eagerly repeat this mantra throughout the day). Last month a good friend told me that each morning her daughter wakes up and yells: "Woo-hoo". What a phenomenal way to embrace the day. Today I reflected on this with my mother-in-law... she commented that this usually ends by the time children turn three and their parents have told them to go back to bed enough times to squash their enthusiasm... this was in response to my query as to: "when we (as adults) lose this desire for the day to begin?" Perhaps unintentionally, her comment struck a cord. It made me realize that no matter what time my girls wake up, my job is not to look at the clock or count the hours they have been sleeping. My job is to look in their eyes and to meet their enthusiasm for the day (for life) with equal excitement. And so my hope and my vow is to do just that... and to find within me the patience and the energy to play!!