"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm. As you grow older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others." ~ Audrey Hepburn
My children consistently teach me to look at the world a little differently, to try to be a better version of myself, to be present, to be kind to others and to the world around me... and today, Isabel taught me a lesson about asking for help.
Isabel is never shy about asking for a helping hand. Whether she is getting dressed, cleaning up, eating... anything really. She is equally as enthusiastic to offer a helping hand... to her siblings, to her friends, to anyone who will take it!!
As a mom, I am often encouraging Isabel to 'do things on her own', 'by herself' (a phrase her little sister Anaïs has eagerly integrated into her repertoire: 'by self mama, by self'). Today, I was doing the same, as I suggested that she does not need to ask for help to do certain things, she can do it by herself. Her response followed: "Mama, I know I can do it by myself. But I'd like you to help me anyway." The words were not foreign, she had made this comment before. Yet this time, I paused. My mind raced to digest the lesson, my heart opened to embrace the moment.
I began to wonder why I am so enthusiastic to nurture Isabel's independence, and less responsive to foster her ability to ask for help. While in words I do tell her she can always ask for help, in action (and in words) I also usually tell her she doesn't need to... she can do it on her own now. Yet as I played her words over in my mind I began to breathe more deeply. As I processed them, I began to question my motivation.
As a grown up I often find it hard to ask for help... I always try to do everything 'by my self'. Why? Is it because I believe that if I can do it, then I should do it? Is it because I too was taught to do things 'by my self' as I was growing up?
Certainly independence is a good quality to nurture in our children. But to what end. Isn't the idea of collaboration a much better lesson. It's true that sometimes my hands are (very) full, and I cannot offer the helping hand that is asked for... but I always want to try to have it available. The message from Isabel resonated in my cells... I have two hands... on to help others, the other to help myself. And I can encourage my kids to learn the same... not simply to give to others, but also to feel confident to receive and ask whenever they want to (not just because they need to... but also because it builds a stronger sense of community and friendship).
