Happy Father's Day!!!

Father's Day has so many layers for me... the most abundant, and the one that completely engulfs me in gratitude, is the man who walks by my side in life and parenthood. A man I admire for his patience, his mind, his ability to be present, his incredible commitment and respect for others, his way of finding joy in everything, his love... for his children, for me, for his family.

Best Papa in the world!!!

The day is also a time I like to reflect for a moment on the man who is my father... and though he may not be physically present on this earth anymore, he is eternally present in my life. I find him in my mind on so many occasions... reminding me about this or that. In particular now, as I grow as a mama, I remember all that he did for me from the moment I arrived in his arms. He was a man fiercely devoted to his family and made us his number one priority with every single fibre in is body (my own husband reminds me of him in the way he honours us every single day). My father taught me about what it means to trust without reservation... for I could always count on him to be by my side, to honour his word, to tell the truth, to love me unconditionally. And while I remember him trying to balance wanting to keep me safe in a protective bubble so that no harm would ever touch me; he taught me not to live in fear myself. Perhaps it was because I could always trust him. He spent so much of his life working to provide for me and my mother... he lived his life so as to enrich ours. I still remember on the last night of his life, he was at home with us dancing in and out of dreams, communicating with us more in spirit than body. He talked about being on a boat, and another boat in the distance that was calling him (perhaps calling him to heaven). He explained that he was catching fish to fill the boat... so that there would be enough for us. I remember, as if it was yesterday, telling him we have enough... he had spent his life building a future for me. It is a gift I treasure with every thing that surrounds me... and all of the opportunities that unfold before me.

And now that I have a son, he too holds a place of honour on father's day... for it is now a celebration of the three most important men in my life... my father, my husband (the father of my children), and my son (who may one day have children of  his own... though i am not quite ready to go there yet!!!). It is also a moment to reflect on the amazing men who have touched my life... including my father in law, who is also a man of incredible integrity and calm. His light touches me in a way that deepens my connection to my own husband and my children. In some ways, he is a man of few words. Yet when he speak, and especially when he writes, it is a gift to be in the presence of his personal reflections and expression of how he sees the world around him unfolding. My husband also have four brothers, and each one of them hold qualities that shine amongst men. Each one of them truly unique in their personalities and talents. Each one a blessing in my life.

This year, it is also a day that gives me a silent pause, as I reflect on the man who claimed to be a father to me for the last 12-years. A man who has now deserted our family without a second glance... other than to try to claim all that my own father had worked so hard to build for us. It is an odd feeling to find out that what I believed about this man seems to be in shadow, and what is real makes no sense to me. But this is a story for another day. For as much as this tale brings me grief, today is not a day of sadness, it is a day of love. And for all that he might be trying to take away, there is a force that surrounds me and fuels me from the inside out. I am inspired to honour the men who live their life in honour, dignity, courage, truth, and grace. I am inspired to dwell in the possibility of magic and miracles as I look forward into the future. For life truly is beautiful. And as one good friend recently wrote to me: "when you realize that everything is perfect, you can tilt your head up to the sky and laugh with joy." So as I realize just how very perfect my husband, the father of my children, is in our life and the gratitude that overflows as I think of him... I tilt my head up to the sky and smile with gratitude. I suppose that in recognizing the 'not so pretty' sides of life, we are more deeply moved to embrace and celebrate the beautiful ones. 

Happy Father's day to all the fantabulous men out there who father from the heart... every single day.