Three years old today!!!

Isabel could hardly sleep all night... waking up frequently to ask "am i three (flee) yet?"

It was hard to get frustrated at the lack of sleep when she was so positively adorable. She came running into our bedroom singing "happy birthday to me" as soon as the sun came out. We spent a bit of time cuddling in bed, and then opened a couple of presents. At 7am, our friend Noëlla came by to drop off a beautiful box of treats for Isabel and give the birthday girl a hug. She even brought chocolates which Isabel first put aside, and then decided she wanted one for breakfast... who can blame her?!?!

After a real breakfast Isabel picked out a pretty outfit, said 'bye' to papa and then was ready to 'run' off to school. She is having so much fun... and when she arrived at Malaquita she was greeted with hugs and smiles and all the kids sang feliz compleaños (first in Spanish, then in English). We went to pick Isabel up at lunch and she was jumping with sheer joy... but also exhausted. Lunch and a nap... and then papa came home early so we could have birthday cake together... and of course some more gifts. We will be having a birthday party on Saturday morning to celebrate with more of Isabel's friends and look forward to the fun!!

Anaïs was also happy to be celebrating the day, but she could not quite understand what all the fuss was about... until, of course, the birthday cake came out and she eagerly wanted to eat some too!!! Thanks to all of you for the beautiful messages (and gifts) sent to Isabel today. It is amazing to watch our little girl grow... she is so amazing!!! When she was saying goodnight to her sister she also wanted Anaïs to know that she will be an even better big sister as she gets older.

As she was going to bed she talked all about her fun day... and we ended the day opening a new playmobil set from Nana -- Isabel was so happy. It's incredible to reflect on these last few years and embrace all the changes. Isabel has challenged us to grow in ways that we never even expected... at times pushing us to our limits, but always inspiring us to be better parents and better people. Happy birthday big girl!! We love you!!!

Spoiled...

There is no question that establishing a 'home' abroad is riddled with challenges and many moments of isolation and loneliness. It is also full of opportunities for profound growth and opening of gateways that we never even knew existed. Over the last year that we have been living in Bogota I have felt my emotions travel across so many peaks and valleys -- sometimes I am surprised at the shifts my mood can take as I work through the transitions. I suppose being a mama of two young children adds yet another layer of complexity to this experience... along with the lack of sleep that seems to go hand-in-hand with parenthood (at least for us). To be certain, the exhaustion does take its toll and likely makes the intensity of the emotions even stronger than they might be with a well rested mind and body. But the truth is that being away from family and friends, and all that we know is not easy. Suddenly, the network that is our family unit becomes a much stronger source of support (and at times tension) -- for there is so much pressure placed upon the connection between each person in the unit. The broader community upon which we rely in our 'homeland' is no longer within easy reach... and while emails and phone calls are a necessity to get by, they cannot always make up for the void of physical contact and just 'knowing' that you can have a face to face visit if you need/want to.

The biggest learning for me was watching how powerful the displacement is upon young children. I can still hear the echos of the phrase: "kids adjust so easily" ringing in my mind. It seemed it was all I heard prior to our departure. And then when we arrived in Colombia I was shocked to find just how hard the move was for Isabel -- she was just about to turn two. Thankfully she was a wonderful communicator and we were able to talk about the changes, and we found the words and the space to express her thoughts and her feelings, to give names to the experience. To be honest, the first three months were more difficult than I could have imagined... and during that time I found myself completely distanced from my own experience as I focused on making this transition as smooth as possible for Isabel (all the while Anaïs was growing in my belly). One year later, as Isabel approaches her third birthday I find myself completely in awe of the ease with which she has engaged into her new life. And even more, following a wonderful (emotional and exhausting) visit 'home' to Canada I was amazed at how gracefully she embraced her 'old life' -- eager to play with the people she had not seen for nearly a year, happy to see 'our house'. And, upon our return, moving without fear into our home here in Colombia. To reflect on the experience of this last year for Isabel fills me with so much wonder that it is hard to describe. She lived each moment of this passage fully and completely -- the pain, the tears, the losses, the openings, the joys, the new opportunities -- she faced (and embraced) each experience and she blossomed.

Above all, she continues to teach me the importance of communication and trusting my own instinct above any external advice that might come my way. As an example, for a year I've dealt with the 'pressure' of putting Isabel into daycare, and simultaneously her clear expression that she was not ready to go by herself. Fine with me... i love having her at home. Then, a day or two after we returned from Canada she decided she wants to go to school. And so, she if off... three mornings a week. There are no tears, no struggles, no long good-byes. She owns her experience and she loves it. She runs into our room in the morning (on a school day) all dressed and excited that it is a "Malaquita" day (the name of her school). And when I pick her up she can't stop talking about all the fun things she got to do at school.

It also allows me precious moments with Anaïs in the mornings... and now as she is about to turn seven months I am amazed at just how important these tender times together are for us. And, of course, I cannot help but be a proud mama. The day we got back from Canada Anaïs showed us she was doing some growing up of her own... that day she decided to start sitting on her own and has not looked back. It was so funny to watch the shift from one day to the next. All of a sudden. She also took this change as a queue to officially start pooping only on the potty. No grey areas anymore, she is very clear... making a effective raspberry sound each time she needs to use the potty and then smiling as she sits proudly in front of the mirror. She also makes sure I know she is not done yet if I suggest picking her up to soon with a brow furrow followed by more raspberries. And, even though we engaged in 'elimination communication' with Isabel... I am still shocked at how easily Anaïs can communicate her needs already. Of course, her big sister is not surprised at all and takes it all as a matter of fact. After all, why would Anaïs poop anywhere other than the potty (makes sense, i suppose)?!?

With all of these developmental changes, along with the fact that Anaïs is desperately trying to crawl putting her body into the most creative yoga poses imaginable and walking with intent while holding on to my fingers, sleep has become a thing of the past. Alas, being that this is my second child I am far less phased by this... I am not one for sleep training (though sometimes, in those weak moments of total exhaustion, I am totally jealous of those who have the willpower). So, I do my best to accept this phase. For I know it will pass... it did with Isabel (though I suspect it will be a totally different experience with Anaïs). And, to be honest, as fully engaging and exhausting as the early years of parenting are... they pass so quickly. As I watch Isabel eagerly rush off to school with hardly a backward glance, I am reminded that these moments will pass... and so I do my best to enjoy the snuggles of Anaïs in our bed, the rocking and the lengths of time it takes to get her to fall asleep (only to hear her wake up again not to long later). It is what it is... and I am grateful for the gift and magic of their presence in our lives... even if it does temporarily deprive us of sleep.

And, why all this reflection today... for it's been a year that we have been here in Bogota, and it is marked by my birthday. And a I watch with amazement the magic of my girls, I am also filled with gratitude for the community we have built here. To celebrate I was spoiled with 100 roses (chosen by Isabel and her papa), a lovely massage, and then an afternoon shared with good friends. I was overcome with a feeling of calm and beauty as I looked at the beautiful women who have filled my life here in Bogota, and as I look forward to creating more memories with them. And so today, on my birthday, i feel totally and completely spoiled... spoiled by the love of my family, spoiled by the profound beauty of my girls, spoiled by the incredible friends who encircle us from afar, spoiled by the amazing community that surrounds us here, spoiled by our extended family who love us to bits, spoiled by the man who shares in these joys, spoiled by the laughter that fills our halls, spoiled by the people who showered me with affection today (and everyday), spoiled by the knowledge that this moment is just what it is right now... and it is perfect in its imperfections... and it too shall pass. Spoiled to be alive.

our morning smile...

Just thought i'd share a photo from this morning... the girls were adorable singing to each other and snuggling. Isabel runs in as soon as she hears her sister waking up (Anaïs usually sleeps in a little longer than Isabel). The girls are both growing so fast it's as if I see time flashing by right before my eyes. I want to savour each moment and relish in the magic of it all. I want to soak it up and not miss a single heartbeat. The day we returned home Anaïs started sitting on her own... just like that; and she is now eating anything she can get her hands on... not sleeping much, but that's all part of the package, i suppose. She is also eagerly trying to crawl (and even walk) chasing after her sister. Unlike Isabel, Anaïs just wants to do it on her own... she has no use for my fingers and tries to pull away... promptly falling flat on her face and then eagerly up to do it again. Isabel is a star... she seems to have matured so much since we got home. She decided to start going to school on her own and loves it... it is wonderful to watch her own this decision as she gets up in the morning gets her clothes on (though she still likes me to help her with her socks... a little to tricky for her little hands, she says) and runs into my room to tell me it's a "Malaquita day" (that's the name of her school). She started off with the 2-3year olds, but was promptly moved into the older group. The teachers love her and she comes home beaming with pride.

She is always singing to her sister, and her sister responds by giggling and dancing (she is a mover). Isabel also has an incredible sense of what is going on. The other day I was putting Anaïs to sleep, and at the same time Isabel was looking for me calling "mama"... when she go to the door and saw that I was settling Anaïs she whispered 'night, night' and gently shut the door. Isabel loves that her sister is eating and helps to feed her. And, as usual, Anaïs lights up the moment she sees her big sister. We are exhausted, as sleep seems to be a rare treat and our days are full of activity with the energy of these little souls... but most days we do our best not to let it phase us too much. The charms far outweigh the challenges.

And now that we are back in Colombia, we are even more grateful for the time we were able to share with our family... though it was exhausting and emotionally charged. It was magical as well. It was a reminder of what is valuable, and for me, it also brought to the forefront what is important as we build our life here -- the friends that we make, the time that we spend with our children, the love that we share with each other... and as always, above all, trying to keep each moment in perspective. It is so easy to reflect back on something and laugh about it, or find the magic/joy in it... and yet at the time it is happening we are often so caught up in the various tensions around it that we miss the beauty of now.

So today, as I spend another beautiful day with my family... I am so grateful for right now. And my wish is that this feeling lasts through to the next moment.

a couple more days in Toronto...

We are so extremely grateful to Dave, Cathy, Kendra & Natasha who opened up their home to us for the duration of our stay in Toronto. They were absolutely amazing hosts and made our experience of travelling with two young kids so much easier than it might otherwise have been. Even though they had just finished enormous renovations and only moved in a few weeks prior to our arrival... the home was in stellar shape. To be honest, I have no idea how Cathy does it... I am still in awe of her managerial and organizational skills -- for she managed the entire reconstruction of the home, the move and furnishings, and is also a full time mom of two beautiful girls. To say we were spoiled is an understatement!! They even put up with their front entrance turning into a revolving door of visitors who were eager to spend a few moments with our girls (and us too, i think). While in Toronto, we also got to visit with friends of ours who are currently posted in Tanzania... it was quite amazing to see the girls reunite (Abby is just one month older than Isabel). We had beautiful weather and played outside at Sherbrooke Park. Yet another one of those beautiful memories that childhood is made of... i still get a smile when i imagine running through sprinklers on a hot summer day! The one thing that I found most challenging about this trip is how little time there was to spend with everyone we wanted to see. We are so very grateful to those of you who made such tremendous effort to drive out to visit us even just for a few minutes... really, it was amazing. Those of you who came and played with the girls while we ate dinner, those of you who drove by to drop off toys and clothes (and managed to sneak in a fifteen minute visit), those of you who drove up on your lunch breaks to take a 20-minute walk around the block. The visits were many and the time as always too brief. But what we appreciated most was just the opportunity to reconnect, to feel the physical presence of the people we love and yet live so far away from.

The other part of our time that was riddled with sadness for me personally, was to share time with friends going through emotional and physical distress. It made it all the more poignant to realize how difficult it is to be so far away. I wanted to stay to be around to take long walks and offer face-to-face support... one friend whose husband was diagnosed with cancer, another friend whose mother passed away, another whose sister was undergoing cancer treatment, another whose mother was diagnosed with cancer... the trauma of it all continues to haunt my heart. I could not believe that in such a short time as we were in Canada so many of our closest friends were dealing with such news. And at the same time, during our short six-weeks in Canada, five of our friends had babies... all girls!! So, as always, we were living the complete cycle of life as it moves before us just like the ebb and flow of the waters, the waxing and waning of the move, and the rise and fall of the sun... it is constant, ever-present, ever real.

I felt myself torn in so many directions; and as always, it was my girls who reminded me that there is only one direction and it is this very moment. We live it as it is... filled with joys and sorrows... without judgement and full of grace. And again, I was reminded of the power of prayer and intention... so while I cannot be there to share in the various peaks and valleys of our friends lives, I can also send them energy with my thoughts... I can always rely on the strength of our intentions and allow them to grow wings that span the distance of countries and oceans.

A few days of relaxation...

With immense gratitude to Tony & Mary, we enjoyed a few amazingly calm days at Huyck's Point with my mom-in-law, my mom, Julian and my aunt. It was spectacular. The girls had a ball being spoiled by both their grandmothers who doted on them at each moment. There was so much laughter that my belly is still sore from the joy. It was wonderful to watch our children through the eyes of others (granted, still family, but once removed). To see how confident the girls are, and how comfortable in any situation, and so full of happiness which spills over as they talk and squeal and giggle. The days were complete with all the things that childhood memories are made of... watching frogs jump around, picking up snakes in the grass, feeding ground moles, chasing birds, splashing in the water and just being free.

Joshua and I were spoiled and even enjoyed a few relaxing moments in the sun by the water... going for a swim or putting our feet up. We felt totally pampered.

Isabel making friends with the snake

Anaïs getting ready to run in the grass!!

welcoming and grace...

May you fall in love with your beauty, your grace, your honour, your courage & your strength. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Friday, August 7th, 2009 ~ Today we shared a beautiful morning with family and friends as we held a private welcoming ceremony for Anaïs Maria. In true form, Anaïs showered guests with her smiles and seemed to know each step of the process better than we did. The ceremony was marked with a baptism at the Blessed Sacrament Church in Ottawa officiated by Father Joe -- just as the one we held for Isabel Chloe on September 9th, 2007. The godparents both read a beautiful dedication, and all of our family surrounded us in a semi-circle around the alter. Father Joe spoke beautifully about the opportunity that is presented to us to live out our lives to the best of our ability... with love, respect and faith. To believe that anything is possible. He reminded us that these celebrations and dedications are merely reminders to always guide us back to ourselves... to help us find our lifes path, our mission on this earth. Our roads may vary and our guides may too, but in our hearts we will always find the truth of who we are... and the universe will provide us with what we need to manifest our reality.

Following the official baptism, we shared a lovely lunch with friends and family at 'our old stomping grounds'.... that is, our house. It is currently being occupied by good friends, but they were going out of town to attend another welcoming ceremony. So, the space was 'ours for the weekend."

Thanks to all of our friends who shared in this special day with us... whether near or far, in person or in spirit... we felt the magic of your presence. We were surrounded by a sense of love, peace... and a knowledge that all is just as it is supposed to be... even if we do not understand each intricate detail... we trust and we live.

more photos of the welcoming are on the picasa site... follow the link for 'more photos' under additional links!!

eighteen

Today Sam turned eighteen... the youngest of five brothers. As I watched him blow out the candles (with a little help from Isabel), I was struck by just how amazing life is. And even more, I found myself suddenly reflecting on what incredible parents my in-laws are. They have raised five amazing human beings... nurturing them from babies to boys to men. Two of the oldest now have families of their own. Each one of them completely unique, each one with a kind heart, each one committed to their family, each one full of love and respect for the world around them, each one of them with a strength of character that flows from their core...

As I watched my mother-in-law prepare yet another beautiful birthday cake, I was amazed at the love and care she pute into all that she does. I was overwhelmed by her ability to love... simply, completely and fully. With five sons, four daughters-in-law and five granddaughters, she manages to make each one of us feel totally adored. Her love is honest, real and without judgement. She accepts us for who we are... just as we are. There is no struggle, there is no disapproval... and there is no doubt that we are loved. There are no holes... and in this love we all find a connection to ourselves and to each other. A family.

My father in law is more quiet in his love, but it is no less deep and no less pure. His affection is like an undercurrent that you always know is there... it wraps you a like a blanket on a cold, cold day... and fills you up with a warmth that comes from within. It is the foundation and it is peace.

All this reflection brought upon by the 18th birthday of Joshua's youngest brother... no longer a boy... a human being with an incredible insight into humanity, a deep quest for justice, an amazing awareness of the other, and a loyalty to friends and family that matches that of all his brothers. Moving into the world as an amazing uncle, brother, friend and human being. Truly, one of my favourite people in the world... as are all my 'brothers and sisters and nieces'. So, again, I am inspired by the unconditional force of the love that comes from nana and jid'do which has created this amazing community we call our family.