Spoiled...

There is no question that establishing a 'home' abroad is riddled with challenges and many moments of isolation and loneliness. It is also full of opportunities for profound growth and opening of gateways that we never even knew existed. Over the last year that we have been living in Bogota I have felt my emotions travel across so many peaks and valleys -- sometimes I am surprised at the shifts my mood can take as I work through the transitions. I suppose being a mama of two young children adds yet another layer of complexity to this experience... along with the lack of sleep that seems to go hand-in-hand with parenthood (at least for us). To be certain, the exhaustion does take its toll and likely makes the intensity of the emotions even stronger than they might be with a well rested mind and body. But the truth is that being away from family and friends, and all that we know is not easy. Suddenly, the network that is our family unit becomes a much stronger source of support (and at times tension) -- for there is so much pressure placed upon the connection between each person in the unit. The broader community upon which we rely in our 'homeland' is no longer within easy reach... and while emails and phone calls are a necessity to get by, they cannot always make up for the void of physical contact and just 'knowing' that you can have a face to face visit if you need/want to.

The biggest learning for me was watching how powerful the displacement is upon young children. I can still hear the echos of the phrase: "kids adjust so easily" ringing in my mind. It seemed it was all I heard prior to our departure. And then when we arrived in Colombia I was shocked to find just how hard the move was for Isabel -- she was just about to turn two. Thankfully she was a wonderful communicator and we were able to talk about the changes, and we found the words and the space to express her thoughts and her feelings, to give names to the experience. To be honest, the first three months were more difficult than I could have imagined... and during that time I found myself completely distanced from my own experience as I focused on making this transition as smooth as possible for Isabel (all the while Anaïs was growing in my belly). One year later, as Isabel approaches her third birthday I find myself completely in awe of the ease with which she has engaged into her new life. And even more, following a wonderful (emotional and exhausting) visit 'home' to Canada I was amazed at how gracefully she embraced her 'old life' -- eager to play with the people she had not seen for nearly a year, happy to see 'our house'. And, upon our return, moving without fear into our home here in Colombia. To reflect on the experience of this last year for Isabel fills me with so much wonder that it is hard to describe. She lived each moment of this passage fully and completely -- the pain, the tears, the losses, the openings, the joys, the new opportunities -- she faced (and embraced) each experience and she blossomed.

Above all, she continues to teach me the importance of communication and trusting my own instinct above any external advice that might come my way. As an example, for a year I've dealt with the 'pressure' of putting Isabel into daycare, and simultaneously her clear expression that she was not ready to go by herself. Fine with me... i love having her at home. Then, a day or two after we returned from Canada she decided she wants to go to school. And so, she if off... three mornings a week. There are no tears, no struggles, no long good-byes. She owns her experience and she loves it. She runs into our room in the morning (on a school day) all dressed and excited that it is a "Malaquita" day (the name of her school). And when I pick her up she can't stop talking about all the fun things she got to do at school.

It also allows me precious moments with Anaïs in the mornings... and now as she is about to turn seven months I am amazed at just how important these tender times together are for us. And, of course, I cannot help but be a proud mama. The day we got back from Canada Anaïs showed us she was doing some growing up of her own... that day she decided to start sitting on her own and has not looked back. It was so funny to watch the shift from one day to the next. All of a sudden. She also took this change as a queue to officially start pooping only on the potty. No grey areas anymore, she is very clear... making a effective raspberry sound each time she needs to use the potty and then smiling as she sits proudly in front of the mirror. She also makes sure I know she is not done yet if I suggest picking her up to soon with a brow furrow followed by more raspberries. And, even though we engaged in 'elimination communication' with Isabel... I am still shocked at how easily Anaïs can communicate her needs already. Of course, her big sister is not surprised at all and takes it all as a matter of fact. After all, why would Anaïs poop anywhere other than the potty (makes sense, i suppose)?!?

With all of these developmental changes, along with the fact that Anaïs is desperately trying to crawl putting her body into the most creative yoga poses imaginable and walking with intent while holding on to my fingers, sleep has become a thing of the past. Alas, being that this is my second child I am far less phased by this... I am not one for sleep training (though sometimes, in those weak moments of total exhaustion, I am totally jealous of those who have the willpower). So, I do my best to accept this phase. For I know it will pass... it did with Isabel (though I suspect it will be a totally different experience with Anaïs). And, to be honest, as fully engaging and exhausting as the early years of parenting are... they pass so quickly. As I watch Isabel eagerly rush off to school with hardly a backward glance, I am reminded that these moments will pass... and so I do my best to enjoy the snuggles of Anaïs in our bed, the rocking and the lengths of time it takes to get her to fall asleep (only to hear her wake up again not to long later). It is what it is... and I am grateful for the gift and magic of their presence in our lives... even if it does temporarily deprive us of sleep.

And, why all this reflection today... for it's been a year that we have been here in Bogota, and it is marked by my birthday. And a I watch with amazement the magic of my girls, I am also filled with gratitude for the community we have built here. To celebrate I was spoiled with 100 roses (chosen by Isabel and her papa), a lovely massage, and then an afternoon shared with good friends. I was overcome with a feeling of calm and beauty as I looked at the beautiful women who have filled my life here in Bogota, and as I look forward to creating more memories with them. And so today, on my birthday, i feel totally and completely spoiled... spoiled by the love of my family, spoiled by the profound beauty of my girls, spoiled by the incredible friends who encircle us from afar, spoiled by the amazing community that surrounds us here, spoiled by our extended family who love us to bits, spoiled by the man who shares in these joys, spoiled by the laughter that fills our halls, spoiled by the people who showered me with affection today (and everyday), spoiled by the knowledge that this moment is just what it is right now... and it is perfect in its imperfections... and it too shall pass. Spoiled to be alive.