Tuesday December 21st seemed like an ordinary day with it's usual routine of playtime with the girls, preparing snacks... in the morning I was off to teach yoga and even had the joy of a new student in the class. A good friend came to visit for lunch and a play date with her two girls (one not even two months old). In the late afternoon two dear friends dropped by to exchange Christmas gifts and share news of their engagement. It was a full and beautiful day as we prepared the girls for dinner, bath and bedtime... at which point I began to notice that our life might be taking an unexpectedly early change as I felt Leo making his presence known.
After bath, as Joshua told the girls a bedtime story, I quickly made my way to the locker to get a few items that had been stored away, I cleaned out Leo's bed, and started to organize clothes, blankets, and diapers. I realized I had not washed any of the infant diapers and started sorting the laundry to get a few loads organized. And then, I began on cleaning the kitchen from a day of hosting friends and yummy meals.
My mind racing as I tried to embrace the possibility that our son would be born within the coming hours. As if beckoned by the full moon (on the night of winter solstice and a lunar eclipse) he was beginning his journey into our world; the contractions were not easing up indicating to me that he was ready to be born.
Shortly before 9pm, Joshua emerged from the girls bedroom (he had dozed off putting them to sleep), and so I told him 'little plum' was making his way. Oh how he wished for more time to enjoy just one good night of sleep (it had been a rough week of not sleeping well for the girls and we were all a little tired). But Leo had made up his mind. As we were expecting another quick labour (following the pattern of the first two), we called the doctor and told him to be ready to hear from us. The contractions continued at a steady rate, but did not hasten in time as rapidly as with the previous labours... moving at a gentle pace of every 4/5-minutes. When the doctor arrived, he wanted to check the baby's heart-rate... following this little intervention, the contractions completely slowed down to every seven minutes. It was very odd, but perhaps a way for Leo to give Joshua that one night of sleep he was hoping for. By midnight everyone went to sleep and I finished cleaning up the kitchen and getting things ready for breakfast the next morning. Then I escaped to the bathtub and let nature move things along.
At 6am, the house began to wake up. The doctor came in to do a quick exam and I was fully effaced and dilated. It only took over 12-hours (so far). The doctor expected the baby would arrive within the next hour, but Leo had other plans. So, as we waited the girls joined me in the tub... Anaïs giggling and splashing, and Isabel recounting the story of how she massaged my back in the tub when I was in labour with Anaïs.
After nothing seemed to be shifting over the next hour, the doctor again wanted to check the heart-rate. He noticed that on some of the contractions the baby's heart-rate would drop. While this seemed normal to me, the doctor became concerned that there was something stopping the baby from moving down the birth canal. The most likely explanation could be a cord around the babies neck that was decreasing the flow of oxygen at each contraction. This was not posing a risk to the baby yet, but the doctor was worried about what might happen once the final surges and pushing began.
Everything was ready, but Leo was still well-nested, far too high to initiate the final stages of labour. The doctor suggested that perhaps we might want to consider moving to a hospital where they could better monitor the baby. As the conversation began I felt my stress-sensors rise and the surges nearly ceased... decreasing to every 10-minutes and then every 20-minutes.
I was not prepared to go to the hospital; but at the same time, I did not want to be irrational when it came to putting me or the baby in jeopardy. However, I also knew the risks of changing venues... as soon as we would arrive at the hospital I would be hooked up to an IV, my water would be broken (this is protocol and could not be altered); if there was something causing stress on the baby (like a cord around his neck), the breaking of the water would speed up the labour before he was ready to descend and potentially put him into shock; this could lead to an emergency c-section. The doctor confirmed my suspicions and told us that this is a very likely scenario if we went to the hospital.
Joshua agreed that so long as me and the baby are not at risk, going to the hospital is an absolute last case scenario. I was amazed at his ability to support me and trust my instincts as we moved through this decision. Joshua's faith was strong and unconditional; and it allowed me the space to connect with my intuition, my body and Leo.
The mind is capable of anything - because everything is in it, all the past, as well as all the future. ~ Joseph Conrad
I remembered reading about animals birthing in the wild. As a pregnant mammal goes into labour she moves herself into seclusion - she knows how to birth her children and they know the way. However, if at any point during the labour the mother senses fear or risk to her unborn babes, the power of the mind can completely stop the labour at any stage... not just for a few hours, but for several days.
I knew that my stress signals were flaring up and that was not allowing my body to produce the natural hormones necessary for the labour to continue. I needed some air.
I decided to go for a walk to clear my head (my body and my mind) of the more stressful energy that was now buzzing around in the air. I took my phone and walked. I called a friend who I knew had gone through a similar scenario with her son (fully effaced, 10-cm dilated and the labour stops... without explanation; other than that she had just moved to the hospital and was no longer at ease in her environment). Talking to her gave me an opportunity to hear another story, and allowed me to take more faith in my own (as i was in the process of creating it). As I walked, I prayed... I prayed for serenity, for strength, for the wisdom to make the best decision for my children, my family and this new little soul. I walked through the Usaquen market and paused to talk to one of the vendors who I always enjoyed speaking with. She asked about the baby, and I said she was on his way... then I recounted briefly the current situation and she said, "but look at you, your belly is still too high... this baby is not ready yet. Give him time to move down. There is no rush."
It was as if an 'intervention from the universe'. She told me just what I needed to hear. I went home to refill my water bottle and check in with Joshua. I went back out to buy some ravioli and sauce from the local italian deli to have a fresh meal for everyone. When I got back home I escaped to our bedroom and put myself into a position that I knew would allow the baby the space and calm to begin his descent. My body was ready to birth, but he was not yet ready to descend.
At around 4pm Joshua came in to check in and let me know he was going to make dinner and get the girls ready for bed... I was on my own for a few hours. As I looked at the time I mentally prepared myself to begin the bath shortly after 6pm, and anticipated that the birth would be around 7pm. Everything began to relax and fall into place in it's own time, in it's own way.
At 6:35pm (after 25-hours of labour), Joshua came into the bedroom... the girls were asleep, the bath was filling. I told him the baby was coming... but there was one thing I had not prepared for. The doctor was out for a walk. Joshua went to call the doctor and told him to hurry back (unfortunately, he was on crutches from a broken foot from the week before... so his ability to 'hurry' was a little obstructed).
We moved into the tub and Joshua was getting prepared to catch the baby. He was asking me to slow down... but at this point it was not possible. While I was able to slow things down with the birth of Anais, I knew that I could not do it now: first because Joshua was with me and so the incentive was not there, and second, because I knew that once Leo began moving through the birth canal he needed to move quickly (it was a hunch, but I knew that keeping him in the birth canal could be hazardous - especially if he did have a cord around his neck). And so things moved... very quickly. Leo's head emerged into Joshua's hands.
Everything would have been perfect, except that Leo had a cord around his neck. A nuchal cord is not uncommon and can usually be slipped off as the baby is coming out (or so the doctor had told us in one of our prenatal appointments). However, Joshua was a novice and this was not something he had ever done before. The cord was wrapped tightly around the neck, and he could not quite slip his fingers around the cord. While I felt completely connected to the fact that everything was okay, Joshua felt himself in holding the balance of life in the palm of his hands. I had not even realized the intensity of his stress until long after the birth when we talked about what had occurred in those few minutes (that could have been an eternity). Thankfully, the nurse arrived within moments of Leo's head emerging and like an angel was able to offer assistance; it was another intervention from the heavens as Joshua was getting ready to rip the cord. Once my contraction paused, there was less tension in the cord so that Joshua & Brisally (the nurse) could unravel it from his neck, and Leo could make his way into the outside world. So, Leo arrived on planet earth with the force of a Lion. He was perfect, calm and snuggled into my chest. It took a minute of rubbing his feet and back to stimulate his lungs to take their first solitary breath... as with everything up to this point, Leo was taking his time (still breathing through the umbilical cord). Joshua and the nurse both took their own breath of relief once Leo let our his first roar. There was a pause as we all relaxed and cooed over Leo.
The doctor arrived about 15-minutes later... offering congratulations.
As I reflect back on the intense emotions that came with this labour, I am struck by the importance of pausing before taking action. So often it is easy to get caught up in a moment, in an emotion... to react without thinking, or to believe that we must make a rapid decision without yet having all the 'facts'. Yet, it was only by slowing down and fully engaging in the moment that I was able to find the road that would best allow Leo to greet this world. (Of course, I had not predicted that the doctor might be out for a walk at that moment... but I guess Leo wanted to meet papa first).
Somebody once said that no one can love a child the way a mother can. Somebody was never a father. ~ Author Unknown
I am grateful that the doctor gave me the space I needed to find my way. I am grateful for my doula, who attended only at the birth of Isabel and yet her strength and her intuition guided me through all three of my births, even if she was not physically present. I am grateful for our nurse who arrived at just the right moment to help ease the tension Joshua was feeling as Leo emerged. Above all, I am grateful to Joshua for his faith, his love and his amazing ability to remain calm. And, of course, Little Leo... for guiding the way. The birth had a touch more excitement than we had anticipated, but in the end, we were all glad and relieved that we followed a path true to our hearts. Even the birthing doctor (who has attended thousands of home births, and is the only home birth doctor here in Bogotá) admitted to learning something new... a reminder that birthing truly is about the mother, the child (and sometimes the birthing partner... for us, it was always papa, without whom none of our babes have arrived into the world). The choice each person makes must resonate for them - within their hearts and their souls and their bodies. For me, I am never closer to this connection than when giving birth; though I do hope to carry some of this intuitive lesson with me into the rest of my life moving forward.
For us, this birth path was the right choice, and we were lucky enough to see it actualized; with a little more dramatic content than we expected, in the end exactly as it was meant to be. It is interesting how very unique every one of the birth stories is for our children: as different as they are in their personalities and relationships with the world. Each one with their own magical charms.
