"One who is undisturbed by the flow of desires, as the ocean is unmoved by the incessant flow of rivers, finds peace." ~ Bhagavad Gita, 2.70
The trouble with choices is rarely about the choices themselves, but what others may think about the choices we make... friends, parents, children, strangers. It is rare that a day goes by without some kind of advice given by others... most of it is benign and perhaps all should be taken so lightly. Yet sometimes (and it seems so often with parenting) someone says something that strikes a cord of self-doubt. And we are thrown into a spiral of wondering and defensiveness. Inevitably, every conversation I have with another mom there is always talk about the 'opinions of others' and how they affect us so much. Each time it makes me wonder when we stopped trusting our own instincts and put all the power of 'expertise' outside of ourselves. I suppose it has been decades of developing a society built on authority and control. Yet, the more trust we place outside of ourselves, the more control we put into rules and guidelines, the more out of control we often feel as individuals. There is certainly a good argument of some kind of 'social rules'. Yet, the rules seem only to defy human nature... it is as if we are always saying: "We don't trust that you will choose to do the right thing; so we are going to make rules, laws, punishments and rewards to entice you to do the right thing."
As I grow into my role as a mom, I find myself questioning the validity of these rules. I want to, I choose to, believe without reservation that my kids (and all kids) are good. That the ways they use to voice their opinions may not always fit with my own ideas about what is the 'right way to behave in public' or at any given moment... but it is their voice. They are not trying to purposefully manipulate a situation. And so I choose to listen to their voices as best as I can with patience and love. Oh it is not easy. So often I need to count to ten and take a really deep breath when her voice/choice and opinion does not cooperate with my own expectations. But what would it accomplish to punish her for breaking a rule that she did not create and does not even begin to understand.
The most amazing thing is that each time I choose to listen to her, I also find my own voice. Rather than simply following a rule, I trust my instinct. Each time I choose to experience this moment as it is, I am liberated from all the external voices/judgments and I find myself. In a way, it is as if the hardest and most challenging experiences offer the most incredible opportunities for growth. My validation suddenly no longer needs to come from an external source... instead it just is, right here and right now.
Yet, as I travel this road, no matter how committed I am... and no matter how rewarding it is. I am so happy to have friends along the way who can offer words of encouragement and support along the way. No matter how confident one is, hearing the support from outside is still ingrained in our psyche. And so, I hope for my kids and their generation they will find that strength within themselves... I hope they don't need all the validation and they simply feel confident in their own choices, their own voices, their own selves!!
"One who is undisturbed by the flow of desires, as the ocean is unmoved by the incessant flow of rivers, finds peace." ~ Bhagavad Gita, 2.70
The trouble with choices is rarely about the choices themselves, but what others may think about the choices we make... friends, parents, children, strangers. It is rare that a day goes by without some kind of advice given by others... most of it is benign and perhaps all should be taken so lightly. Yet sometimes (and it seems so often with parenting) someone says something that strikes a cord of self-doubt. And we are thrown into a spiral of wondering and defensiveness. Inevitably, every conversation I have with another mom there is always talk about the 'opinions of others' and how they affect us so much. Each time it makes me wonder when we stopped trusting our own instincts and put all the power of 'expertise' outside of ourselves. I suppose it has been decades of developing a society built on authority and control. Yet, the more trust we place outside of ourselves, the more control we put into rules and guidelines, the more out of control we often feel as individuals. There is certainly a good argument of some kind of 'social rules'. Yet, the rules seem only to defy human nature... it is as if we are always saying: "We don't trust that you will choose to do the right thing; so we are going to make rules, laws, punishments and rewards to entice you to do the right thing."
As I grow into my role as a mom, I find myself questioning the validity of these rules. I want to, I choose to, believe without reservation that my kids (and all kids) are good. That the ways they use to voice their opinions may not always fit with my own ideas about what is the 'right way to behave in public' or at any given moment... but it is their voice. They are not trying to purposefully manipulate a situation. And so I choose to listen to their voices as best as I can with patience and love. Oh it is not easy. So often I need to count to ten and take a really deep breath when her voice/choice and opinion does not cooperate with my own expectations. But what would it accomplish to punish her for breaking a rule that she did not create and does not even begin to understand.
The most amazing thing is that each time I choose to listen to her, I also find my own voice. Rather than simply following a rule, I trust my instinct. Each time I choose to experience this moment as it is, I am liberated from all the external voices/judgments and I find myself. In a way, it is as if the hardest and most challenging experiences offer the most incredible opportunities for growth. My validation suddenly no longer needs to come from an external source... instead it just is, right here and right now.
Yet, as I travel this road, no matter how committed I am... and no matter how rewarding it is. I am so happy to have friends along the way who can offer words of encouragement and support along the way. No matter how confident one is, hearing the support from outside is still ingrained in our psyche. And so, I hope for my kids and their generation they will find that strength within themselves... I hope they don't need all the validation and they simply feel confident in their own choices, their own voices, their own selves!!
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A space for Witty and Inspiring Words from you!! Thanks for taking the time to share your insights!!!