Boys & Girls

People often ask me if it is different having a boy? And I wonder, 'different from what'. Different from having a girl, of course (being that I have two girls and now a little boy). To be honest, I never really know how to answer this question (though after the number of times it's been asked you would think I could have developed a clever response). Each of my kids is unique in my eyes... in physical make-up, in personality, in their interaction with the world. Who they are, how they relate to the world, and how they relate to me seems less determined by their gender, then simply by the people they are growing into. My relationship with each one of them is marked by who they are. How I engage with them, the way we talk, the way they behave... boy or girl, they are individuals, perfect human beings.

Leo trying to eat his toes... one of his favourite games!!!

Yet this week I realized something very different about having a boy. It is something that I have always recognized, but never fully articulated. With all three of my little ones I have enjoyed 'early potty training' (which goes by many names such as elimination communication or diaper free, and has varied approaches). The premise for me has always been simply to watch the cues for when my kids need to pee/poo from a very early age. It was never a big deal,  nor did it cause any stress for me or for the child. It simply required me to be present, aware and willing to follow through when the opportunities arose: which usually entailed sitting the child on the potty or holding them over the sink or right on the toilet with me at times when I knew they needed to go to the bathroom. Of course, using cloth diapers has also been a great incentive for getting my babes on the potty early.
With Isabel I began at seven months; by ten months she stopped pooping in her diapers and would let me know when she had to go. With Anaïs I was inspired to begin much earlier; by four months she started to cue me when she needed to go poo and pee. Yet with Leo, I was resistant to begin... I imagined pee all over the bathroom mirror and had no idea how to manage dealing with taking him to the bathroom. Having learned the cues from my girls, I was able to understand very quickly when Leo needed to go. In fact, I noticed very quickly (at about two weeks) that Leo did not like to poo in his diaper. Whenever he had to go he would squirm and fuss until I removed his diaper and set him 'free'. So I would usually remove his diaper and let him relax on a changing blanket at which point he would be happy and spend half an hour pooping (seriously!!).
However, the idea of actually taking him and sitting him on a potty stumped me. Though I will admit I did not even realize my resistance until just recently. When at more than five months I finally put Leo on a  potty for the first time. Of course, as soon as he began to pee it went all over the bathroom counter (on which i had the potty resting to be able to hold Leo at my height). In my next attempt, I held Leo over the sink with his legs up... the mirror ended up getting a nice bath. The fact that Leo does go pee the moment I sit him on the diaper (or turn on some running water), and that he has now successfully had three days with no poos in his diaper (when I only began sitting him on the potty three days ago) makes me inclined to persevere. At least the potty is catching the poo, even if the pee seems to make itself far less contained. I guess I am still learning. And if someone asks if it's different having a boy, I have a clear answer... biology clearly makes it so!!!