laughter

Gratitude is the open door to abundance. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Each day that I watch my children experience the world I am filled with a sense of wonder. Is it possible to be so blessed? For the many moments of frustration, and the never ending exhaustion that comes along with parenthood; the abundance of blessings far outweighs the challenges. My children teach me to let go and live in the present moment... in a way that I never thought I would experience. They actively force me to move out of my head and just be... knowing that right now is the most precious moment of all. And as I release expectations, the blessings multiply. Rather than fretting about what is right/wrong, whether I am making the best choices... I can just enjoy what actually is. Life is perfect not because it is meeting some kind of expectations... but simply because it is what it is in this moment. Nothing reinforces this reality for me more than the laughter of my children. They truly are my greatest teachers. So long as I can put aside all the shoulds, the vulnerabilities, the insecurities and just be... I create the space to allow them to be just who they are... blossoming into incredible people who I love spending time with.

All this is not to say that I never lose my patience, or use a harsh tone unnecessarily; but rather that I am beginning to realise that when I do these things, it is rarely because of something that needs to change in my girls... rather, it is a lesson and a window into something that I can learn about myself. A simple shift in perspective... it's what miracles are made of.

Perfection in perspective...

We strive to be perfect... whatever this means. Sometimes we do not even realize we are doing it, and yet we judge ourselves for all our 'faults' and 'failures'. This judgment seems even more profound as we enter parenthood... seeking answers from books and experts. We get so caught up in all the 'shoulds' of any given stage... and we forget that it all passes: the good and the bad. As expectant mothers we worry about the pregnancy, than about the labour. In the early months we worry about breastfeeding/bottle feeding; then we worry about forming bad sleep habits or encouraging good ones; we move into fretting about weaning and introducing the right foods (how much are they eating, is it the right stuff); and then we get into behaviour control with time-outs and incentives; potty-training; homeworks; curfews... rules or no rules; permissiveness versus strict control. And throughout it all we seek out expert advice - often allowing this advice to trump our own instincts. And sometimes we just suffer with getting too much unwanted advice... and while we try to ignore it, the words sink into our psyche and fill us with self-doubt. At what point did we stop listening to our own instincts and start believing that 'someone' or 'something' 'out there' knows better, has a better answer, can offer an easy solution. Yet, being a parent is hard... no matter what rules we follow. It challenges us to live in the here and now. It forces us to take a deeper look at our own insecurities. It exposes to us our most tender vulnerabilities. And if we stop and listen... we realise that our children are truly our greatest teachers. It is us who are learning from them, not the other way around. And somehow, someway, they grow into wonderful human beings regardless of the little details along the way... whether we rocked them to sleep or they dozed in a crib; whether they ate their dessert first or devoured plates of brocolli; whether they sat calmly on a plane ride across the ocean, or let everyone around them know they did not enjoy sitting still. We can guide them and inspire them; but we do not need to change our children. They are magic, just as they are. And perhaps, as we listen to advice along the way... we may want to heed the advice that comes from the heart, rather than that which fills us with doubt and uncertainty. There are a million different reasons why not to allow babies to fall asleep in our arms... and yet, following this advice means we miss out on one of the most precious gifts of having a newborn. The sense of peace and awe that fills our souls when we hold a sleeping baby. I was recently having a conversation with a good friend of mine who has three teenage kids; and I asked her whether she had any advice to ensure that Isabel continues to transition well into being a big sister. And she told me something that was so simple, and yet to me so utterly profound. She said that if there was any sibling rivalry between her girls she doesn't remember. She said: "Right now this is where you are, and so it seems like it is everything. But it is just a passing moment. Soon you will move into the next one and worry about that." And suddenly I realised that I don't need to worry... because it will be what it will be. And I spend all my time worrying about the little nuances, I will miss out on the magic moments that I want to savour. A day later I came across the following note and it further accentuated the importance of this message: Everything passes... the sleepless nights and the late night giggles... enjoy what fills you with laughter and know that with each new day the light shines again and the heaviness of the night passes. ---- All My Babies Are Gone Now http://forksandchopsticks.wordpress.com/2007/05/13/all-my-babies-are-gone-now/ By Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow, but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past. Everything in all the books I once pored over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education — all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations — what they taught me, was that they couldn’t really teach me very much at all. Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2. When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton’s wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too. Every part of raising children is humbling. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the “Remember-When-Mom-Did” Hall of Fame. The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language –mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, “What did you get wrong?” (She insisted I include that here.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald’s drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking? But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less. Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That’s what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were. ----- It has taken me nearly two and a half years of being a parent to realize that the perfect moment, the perfect reaction, the perfect parent, the perfect child are figments of our imagination... and in reality, the perfect everything is right here, right now.

Mother's Day Gratitude

As I reflect on what it means to celebrate mother's day, I am filled with gratitude for each and every one of you. You, my dear friends and family, make up critical pieces of this puzzle that I call motherhood. You are my guides, my teachers, my beacons, my fairy-brothers/sisters. I could not imagine traveling this road - filled with mountains and potholes, flowers and majestic trees, waterfalls and rivers, still ponds and crashing ocean waves - without each of you inspiring me along the way. And it is not just the 'moms' who guide me... for motherhood is so much more than biology. It is a way of being, a way of living... a moment in time that simultaneously stands still and moves rapidly just like starlight. Each of you, in your own way, inspire me to be a better person and a better mom. There is not a shred of doubt in my mind that both Isabel and Anaïs benefit directly from your collective wisdom and counsel. And so today, on Mother's day, I celebrate each the men and women in my life who share this journey with me. I give thanks that you are in my life... near or far, always present in my heart. Happy Mother's Day to each and every one of you, along with a special blessing!! May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us. **This entry inspired by my dear friend Sarah Leonard.

Sweet memories...

It seems that even Bogota weather was celebrating our anniversary... it was warm enough to wear shorts and t-shirts today (a nice and rare surprise from the sky above). It is actually quite hard for me to believe that just five years ago we were married on the beach in Mexico surrounded by our friends and family. So much has happened in these years... in our life and in the lives of the community that surrounds us, a community that continues to grow, and continues to inspire us on our travels. And no matter where this journey takes us, the bond we share with our friends defies the distance of geography... this is such a gift. And now, five years into our marriage, I am continually amazed and surprised by the love that continues to grow. I read over our wedding pledge today and realized that it is just as profound today, as it was when we wrote it. I am almost overwhelmed with gratitude as I look at our life today... blessed with the amazing grace and joy of two beautiful girls; surrounded by a myriad of amazing friends and unbelievable family who shower us with wisdom and kindness no matter how many miles separate us; and built upon a foundation of love that seems to flow freely from a limitless fountain that we share with each other, and feel reflected back to us infinitely as our family grows. Truly, love really does make the world go round. And the more you give, the more it just shines back and grows. There is beauty in everything we see, in everything we touch... and the more we let go, the more we are blessed. Thanks to each of you who shared this special day with us... we really do need to think about another such vacation (perhaps for our 10-year anniversary!!); and thanks to each of you who we have met since who are part of our lives and inspire us on our path.

the circles of life

The birth of Anaïs is bookmarked on each end with the passing of two fabulous women. Just 13 days before her birth marked the death of my grandmother, Duza Mama (Maria Schwartz). And as Anaïs turned seven weeks, one of my mother's best friends - Anna Jakubowska - passed away on April 2nd. Reflecting upon the loss of both of these women, as I embraced the new life before me, put the circle of life into perspective in a way that I had never expected. I also realized that Anaïs is named after both - for my grandmother was intentional, yet for Anna (which is the base of Anaïs) it was unexpected and very profound (just as her death). Anna Jakubowska was a fantastic woman -- a doctor who practiced with her heart, rather than her textbook. She explored the world and never missed the opportunity to share in a special event with family and friends. What was most meaningful to me is that she treated each person, each patient, as an individual... if i had become a doctor, i would have wanted to practice as she did... with a deeper knowledge of the human spirit. She has been a part of my life for as long as I remember living in Canada, and my mother shared a nice dinner with her each week and they talked on the phone daily. She has two fabulous children, and as I think of them I am instantly reminded of how lucky I am to have my mother (and my mother-in-law)... both in my life and in that of my two girls. The bonds we create with family and close friends are indescribable. They bring us strength when we feel we can no longer walk; they give us courage when we are ready to give up; they offer a shoulder when we need to rest; they offer a joke when we need to laugh; they are an unjudging ear when we need to be heard; they listen compassionately when we need to cry; and their presence is not hindered by physical distance. A friend sent me this poem and it resonated for me this experience... the message is simple and strong, and for me it resonated as I embraced the loss of two mothers, and myself became a mother of two within a short span of time... fully and completely living the circles of life. As I read it, I also realized that 'mother' could easily be replaced by parent or father... as it also made me think of my own father who, even though he is not walking this earth anymore, is with me always. --- The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. The guide said, "Yes, and the way is hard. You will be old before you reach the end of it, but the end will be better than the beginning." She was happy and would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, and taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the dog, and do their homework and brush their teeth. The sun shone on them, and the young mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this." Then the nights came, and the storms, and the path was sometimes dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." The morning came, and there was a hill ahead. The children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, "A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. With this, she gave them strength to face the world. Year after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of all....unconditional love. And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old, and she became little and bent. But her children were tall and strong and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children." When the way became rough for her, the children lifted her, and gave her their strength, just as she had given them hers. One day they came to a hill, and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. Mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. Now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity and pride, with their heads held high, and so can their children after them." The children said, "You will always walk with us, mother, even when you have gone through the gates." They stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. They said, "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence." Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street. She's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, and the perfume that she wore. She's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well. She's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning. Your mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. A mother shows every emotion: happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow..... and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...not even death! --Author unknown Reading this poem once again reminded me how important it is to live and fully experience the present moment. There is no substitute for the beauty of right now... even in the hard times. For as we enjoy this time, it creates the memories that build our future.

Resources: birth, parenthood, life...

Many of you have asked about resources and references for things related to birth preparation, cloth diapers, baby carriers and so forth. So, I am going to try to put together a list that will likely change and grow as time goes by... but at least it will be a start. For those of you preparing for your first child, the focus of your research is likely being placed on the pregnancy and the labour. Very few of us actually start to prepare for parenthood until the baby arrives. I break things down into three sections: i. pregnancy & labour; ii. parenting; iii. cloth diapers, slings and other things.

 Pregnancy and Labour...
Being that a great deal of my tools for being a parent come from Yoga, one of my favourite pregnancy books is Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful (by Gurmukh). The title itself describes some of the magic of being pregnant. Of course, pregnancy (like parenthood) is not without its challenges and every body faces it differently. I have been blessed with quite wonderful pregnancies where I could enjoy practicing yoga and being active throughout the entire nine months. I definitely found that many times it was a matter of sheer will... especially during those early months when I was constantly plagued with nausea and determined not to throw up. Most of the time I would take the messages my body was sending to me as a sign that I need to slow down and take a moment just for me. I had a series of deep breathing exercises and stretches that I would do to conquer the various aches and pains my body was lighting up for me. I would always feel positive about the different changes my body went through because I saw them as a way that the baby and my body were communicating with me. For me, pregnancy has been a time of deep connection to my sense of self and to the boundless support the universe offers to us.

 Of course, trying to listen to my body, and actually take action on the message sent, with a young and very active toddler around was much more difficult endeavour... so while the tools I used remained the same, the actual practices differed. I did less active yoga on my own, and instead tried to engage in yoga with Isabel; I couldn't always (or even often) just pause to take a moment for myself, so instead I would focus on my breath and being present in the now (an amazing exercise in mental clarity when feeling the ails pregnancy can brighten and the demands of my daughter).

The tools I had through my yoga practice took on a versatility that I never expected... I did not need a quiet room or incense or staying focused on one particular posture... instead I was able to bring the postures and breathing and meditation into my everyday life. I would do a variation of warrior pose while lifting Isabel up on to a slide, I would do a flow dancer while pushing Isabel on a swing... and never forget about my breath. The force of this is boundless... just as the love for our children... though sometimes i needed to remind myself to also direct some of this love for myself (it's easy to lose oneself when another human always comes first).

 In preparing for the actual labour/birth, there are two resources that really made a magnificent difference for me with the second baby. The first was a book called Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method (you can learn more at http://www.hypnobirthing.com/). The name of this book does not, for me, accurately capture the process... but the lessons I took from it were both reinforcing and liberating as a prepared for the birth of Anaïs. I felt so empowered. I already knew that labour and birth could be natural and experienced without fear, but this book offered me the evidence and the tools to actually bring my mind and my body in sync about what I was looking forward to. So much of the experience is riddled up with our expectations, and the many fears that are in place around labour in our society. I definitely believe that in some circumstances the support we have from the medical community is invaluable and most necessary... it is a very personal experience and unique to every body, woman and child. However, if there are no complications, the experience of a natural home birth is the most amazing thing... it is truly indescribable.

The second resource that I found useful was learning more about water births (http://www.waterbirth.org/mc/page.do). Again, I am a big believer that the choices we make for our bodies... for our birth, labour, diet, and so forth... are extremely personal. So, while these two resources were brilliant for me, the most important lesson I gained from both is to listen to my body and trust my instinct. I did not follow every single technique outlined, but rather learned to tune out the 'external voices' and 'internal battles' and tune into that inner strength that knew the way and trusted that the baby also knew her way. I looked towards the labour as a partnership... a journey shared by me and the baby. And so I share these resources in case they might also resonate for you (or others) in your preparations. Remembering always that this is your personal adventure to ride as you believe is best for your body and your child. That is really the most important message when preparing for birth... so often we get lost in the expectations and the way things are done... without asking why and whether this is really the best route for us.

Trusting myself led me through an amazing pregnancy and a relatively pain-free labour... the most challenging moment for me was knowing that Anaïs was ready to make her entrance and allowing my breath to slow down the process just long enough for papa to be there to greet his daughter. The rest of the time I was able to enjoy a magical time experiencing the intensity of Anaïs getting ready to leave my body and enter the world, and at the same time allowing my daughter Isabel to share in this without fear. It is something I will always treasure.

  On Parenting...
Now, if only I felt the same kind of confidence when it comes to actually being a parent. Those social pressures and internal battles are so much harder to tune out and can sometimes be so loud that it feels I am about to lose my mind. Thank goodness for the cleansing power of tears... I truly believe that crying is an important part of being a mom (and pregnancy prepares us for this by allowing us permission to cry). It's funny that both in pregnancy and motherhood (especially the early days) it is our hormones that are used as an excuse/reason for our tears... it is the hormones or lack of sleep that make us more sensitive. When in reality, allowing our emotions to be what they are - tears, fear, passion, dispair - is all part of the human experience. Giving space for these emotions to be expressed is a powerful tool that allows us to live in this very moment... whatever it may be. This is one of the things I am learning from Isabel: she is not shy to express herself -- her anger, her frustration, her pain, her sadness. Sometimes it is hard for us to give her the space and freedom for this expression... yet when we do, she moves through it and moves on. And through it all, there is always love. But, I digress, the reality is that when it comes to parenting there are few books/resources that are more powerful than our own voices.

My greatest recommendation is to suggest reading material that allows you/us as parents to find our own inner strength and trust that inner instinct, and try as best we can not to sweat the small stuff.

When it comes to sleep there is one book that I really enjoyed (and with a girl who still wakes up regularly at 2.5years, i have read them all and tried every tactic out there... believe me!!). The book that resonated for me is called the no-cry sleep solution (by Elizabeth Pantley). I have friends who have sworn by the Baby Whisperer, The Lull-a-bye sleep plan, The Sleep Baby Book, and so on and so forth. None of them worked for us... but again, sleep, like so much of our personality, is unique to each person (and each child and parent). Think about the people around you... do they all have the same sleeping patterns/routines. It may be true that a routine can make building good sleep habits easier for some children... but talking to many parents who have tried many techniques (and my own experience with my girls) there is no one answer that works for everybody. Some kids (as adults) are fabulous sleepers... and some are not. And while I too fall victim to the self-doubt and judgement, how your baby sleeps is not your fault. And the choices you make as a parent are the best ones for you and your baby... whether that is routine, tears, bedsharing, rocking and so forth. You need to choose the route the works for you and your child(ren). There are no easy recipes for sleep, just as there are no easy recipes for being the perfect parent. And, as one of my good friends has pointed out to me -- when she travels to Durban the moms/communities in Africa are amazed and shocked to hear that we would leave our kids to sleep in another room. When I think about the reality of sleep around the world, I am quickly brought to the realization that so much of our ideas about sleep are based upon social norms and expectations -- and not necessarily reality or what is best for us or our children. If we can break through the social pressures, perhaps we can actually enjoy whatever patterns work best for our individual families. Moving on to the many other challenges of parenthood... which seems to move from one lesson to another whether it be about getting to sleep, eating, manners, studying, curfews, friends, moving out, waking up and the list goes on.

Above all else, I do believe that our children teach us far more than we ever teach them - so long as we are open to the opportunity for learning and growth. Despite the tears and fears, becoming a parent has allowed me to challenge myself to be a more patient, kind, empathetic and real human being - riddled with flaws and perfections.*
A sample of books that have helped me along the way include:
- The Baby Book (by William and Martha Sears): an excellent resource for the first year of life with baby
- Itsy Bitsy Yoga (by Helen Garabedian): it is filled with fun exercises you can do with your child from newborn to toddler hood
 - Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves (by Naomi Aldort): a very interesting read that challenges our preconceived notions and social expectations about parenthood, learning and relationships -
- Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason (by Alfie Kohn): another interesting alternative to how we think about raising our kids into genuine adults. Check out http://www.unconditionalparenting.com/
- the art of motherhood (by Susannah Marriott): a wonderful little bedside book filled with quotations and inspirations

  Cloth diapers, slings & other things...
The photo at the top of this entry shows Anaïs wearing a beautiful green shirt that reads: make a difference - be organic! I do believe the the choices we make each and every day make a difference... whether they be small or big. As with most things, they need not be exclusive: the key is making conscious and concientious decisions. Afterall, we teach our kids most not when we lecture them or put them in a naughty chair... but simply by living. It is in our actions and behaviours that our children gain the greatest lessons... why else do we all become so much like our parents. The lesson for us is to live as we want our children to be, and not talk the talk without walking the walk. It seems simple, but the concept is bold. For us, this has meant that we eat a vegetarian diet, we use primarily cloth diapers, and we spend as much time with our kids as we can. Of course, having the most amazing husband and father as a partner makes all of this much easier. For it does take a village to raise a child, and in the least, it takes a good partnership. I am in awe and amazement at the fabulous job single moms (and dads) do when raising kids. It is an effort beyond my comprehension.

For cloth diapers, there are many, many options and like everything else the choice of what you use is personal and depends on works best for your child. For me, I have found that the old-fashioned organic cotton pre-folds with a good cover work best. For those of you living in Ottawa, the Extraordinary BabyShoppe (http://www.extraordinarybabyshoppe.com/) is an excellent resource for cloth diapers. For those of you who want to learn more about various options and get some good information on-line about cloth diapers, check out Parenting by Nature (http://www.parentingbynature.com/), and follow the link to cloth diapers.

 Now, some of you may also be on the fence about switching to cloth... the decision may seem overwhelming given your lifestyle or own personal choices. As such, there is another alternative that tries to find a middle-ground. These are gDiapers -- they use a cloth cover and disposable (in fact, flushable) insert. Check out their website at http://www.gdiapers.com/ to learn more about this option. If you enjoy it and are eager to do away with the disposable insert, then you can use the covers with a cloth insert... moving in baby steps from landfills to a cleaner earth. gDiapers are sold everywhere in the US, and starting to make their way into the Canadian market at certain speciality stores.

 We also decided to engage in early potty training with Isabel and this was fabulous. Whatever you call it - elimination communication, diaper-free, etc - the process takes time no matter when you begin. What was most amazing about it for me is learning the cues from my daughter about when she needed to go to the bathroom. It also made me much more attune to understanding when she might be undergoing pain/discomfort with her bowel movements. As a new mom I was pretty overwhelmed by this idea and did not attempt to begin the process until Isabel was about seven or eight months. By the time Isabel was ten months she was telling me when she needed to go potty, and her diapers were no longer being filled with poops (though she still needed them for pee-pee).
There are a few great resources that helped me get comfortable with this process:
- Diaper Free: The gentle wisdom of natural infant hygiene (by Ingrid Bauer)
- DiaperFreeBaby (http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/) -- a good website with some of the basic info about how this can be done
- Diaper Free Baby (by Christine Gross- Loh) -- another good book and website (http://www.thediaperfreebaby.com/)

 In regards to slings, there are more out there than an entire village could use in a lifetime (just type 'baby carrier' or 'baby sling' into google and you will find an overwhelming selection). For people who use them, almost everyone has a preference (i certainly do). And then some folks never really get into wearing their babies for a variety of reasons. Like everything else, it is often about getting what fits for you and your child. For me, slings have been indispensable -- my first daughter had colic and wearing her was a lifesaver; my second daughter gets a lot of air when nursing and needs to be in an upright position for more than an hour after each feed (so again, the sling saves me and allows me the ability to still engage with my older girl while the wee one sleeps in the sling). In general, slings can be divided into three categories: i. wraps (stretch, woven or combination), ii. structured soft carriers, and iii. pouches (either pocket pouches fit to size or adjustable ring slings).

My preferences for slings varied by the age of my children -- in the early months, a stretchy wrap is my ultimate favourite. It is cozy for baby, and extremely comfortable for me when carrying for extended periods of time. There are many different brands offering more/less stretch. The general idea is that it is a long piece of material wrapped around your body in a specific way that holds the baby close to you and distributes the weight so you are not straining your back and your arms are free. The cuddlywrap is a good example of a stretchy wrap: http://www.peapodcreations.ca/; and I have a soft spot for the Moby (http://www.mobywrap.com/). If you find the long stretchy wrap too frustrating to use, there are alternatives that give you most of the benefits of the wrap, without having to figure out the maze of putting it on. Though, I would suggest that learning to tie a wrap is like learning to tie a tie... it seems tricky at first, but once you have done it a few times it is a breeze. However, the other option is a stretch sling that mimics the long wrap by having three pieces - two pocket wraps and a longer wrap. The final fit is similar to a stretchy wrap, but some people find it much easier to manoeuvre. Two examples of this style are the Baby Buddha (http://www.babybuddha.ca/) and the Baby K'Tan (http://www.babyktan.com/). As the child gets older, and begins to weigh more, the stretchy wrap becomes less comfortable since the weight of the child pulls down on the fabric and puts more weight on the body of the person carrying. However, if you fall in love with the wrap, the storchenwiege is an example of a wrap that will last for a longer period (both in age of child and generations of wear) due to the fact that is has less stretch and a stronger weave, making it more versatile: http://www.storchenwiege.com/index.htm

 For me, the long wrap style is ideal as it offers me the ability to have my hands free, while keeping baby close, and has the option of facing baby in or out (as they get older); and with the woven wrap, you can even carry the baby on your back. If you find the wrap too cumbersome, yet need to carry your baby a lot the the soft structured carrier such as a mei tai offers an easier alternative (though it does not work as well with newborns -- try a stretchy pocket/pouch sling instead). The BabyHawk Mei Tai is one of the most popular; and the Kozy Carrier is my favourite (http://kozycarrier.homestead.com/). I have a KOZY that i used with Isabel and now with Anaïs -- it is brilliant and can be used on back or front. I love how the body of this mei tai is a little bigger than others and really holds the baby inside... perfect for naps while taking a long walk!!

Another excellent carrier as the baby gets older is a more structured soft carrier that you can very easily use as a back-pack. The ErgoBaby (http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/) is a good example. I used my Ergo with Isabel (at 2.5 years and 25lbs) while I was nine months pregnant with Anaïs -- here in Bogota with the uneven pavement, it was much easier to put her in the Ergo than to try to push a stroller when going on longer walks. Another version of this more structured carrier is the Beco; some people prefer the design of this one. And, when you just want something easy that you can put in your bag: the pocket/pouch sling is my absolute favourite.

Many people prefer a ring sling which allows you to adjust the size of the pocket and the versatility for various people to use the same sling. A good option for a ring sling is the Maya lightly padded ring sling (http://www.mayawrap.com/). For me, the ease of a fitted pouch-style sling has been amazing. I wore Isabel in a pocket sling from the time she was two months until long past her first birthday. Again, there are hundreds out on the market and you need to try them on to find the right fit for you and your baby. They vary in style, pattern, stretch, etc. My two faves are Canadian-made: i. Hip Melon (http://www.hipmelon.com/), and ii. Gorgeous Baby (http://www.gorgeousbaby.ca/). The key with the pocket sling is that it must be the right fit -- too small and you will be uncomfortable; too large and your baby will be hanging out and you will strain your back.

 Whatever you decide about slings here are two important pieces of advice:
1. Go to the store and try them on - each body and each baby requires a different fit. Understand also that your baby will prefer different slings/positions at different times of his/her first year. Whether to wear a sling, and what sling to wear is very personal (as are most parenting choices)!! Even with my two girls, I have found them to show preferences between the type of slings they prefer and the positions they enjoy to be carried in.
2. Go to a shop that specializes in slings so that you can get good advice on how to actually wear your baby and use your sling properly. If you are living in Ottawa, I would recommend Milkface (http://www.milkface.com/) for a wide selection (and excellent knowledge). I could not have survived without my slings with Isabel; and I would not be able to type this resource sheet without a sling... as Anaïs is currently sleeping cozy in her Sleepy Wrap (and sometimes in the Mei Tai).


  Other things that I love...
- Nappy Rash Ointment by Matter Company: an amazing natural product for baby's bum (and anywhere else on their little bodies). In fact, I love almost all the products by Matter.
- Lunar Eclipse: Lunar Nursing Tea - exercise ball: amazing for soothing a child with gas/colic. The rhythmic motion is calming and it is also a relaxing for mom/dad/caregiver.
 - Bumbo seat: terrific as a first potty - both Isabel and Anaïs found it the perfect seat to go poo. - Weleda tummy oil: wonderful for tummy massage
- Baby Beaver Massage Butter: love it!!! especially cuz it's not an oil but a butter that is easy to use with baby.

 And, the most important resource that I would suggest to new moms (in fact, to all moms, dads and individuals) is to find support amongst friends and in your community. They do not always exist, and if not (and you are someone who likes to get things started) begin your own parent and baby groups/activities. Get out and spend time with other parents and you will find that no matter what expert-advice you might read along the way, everyone is struggling with the same questions and the same issues (or at least similar ones).

There are no miracle cures or recipes for being a good parent... there are just lived experiences of each family and individual. What works for one person may not work for another. And, if you have been blessed with a child that does not seem to match the mold of any of your friends... find parents that have more than one child. When Isabel was one and everyone around me seemed to have managed to get their kids to 'sleep through the night' and I was being inundated with both judgment and advice, a friend told me: "When I had my first child I thought I was the perfect parent and told everyone how it ought to be done... then I had my second daughter and realized it was all a fluke." So much depends on the individual child. Trust your instincts and have fun. While in the moment everything seems all consuming... but it all passes... the good and the bad. So enjoy it for what it is... the reality of becoming a parent, laced with the struggles and joys of learning. As you walk this path, allow your child to be your teacher... they will lead you to magical places if you just stop and listen. And when you find yourself in the dark moments... know that you are not alone (no matter how isolated you may feel). You are simply in the now.

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* this is not a typo. i do mean perfections. For as humans we are quick to find our imperfections, and often forget just how very perfect we truly are. Just as the words by Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love, p190 ~ Thanks to Noëlla for the reference) read... Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure! It is our Light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the universe. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are born to manifest the glory of the universe that is within us. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone. And as we let our own Light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fears, Our presence automatically liberates others.

Reflections at 40 days...

As Spring begins to show its colours back 'home' in Canada, the rainy season descends in full force in Bogota, Colombia. It is wonderful to enjoy the lush feeling the rain leaves... it refreshes everything and gives things a new smell. Kind of like tears... they allow our feelings to flow, wash over us... and we can come out the other side renewed with a new perspective. Too often we try to hide our tears, our emotions (when they are not blissfull and filled with happiness)... yet tears, like rain, have a cleansing power. As rain gives life to the plants, grass, and trees around us, tears can offer life to the light within us that sometimes gets a little darkened with day to day experiences.

Photo Insert (March 10th): Isabel & Anaïs celebrating turning 2.5years and one month (respectively) with a sisterly snuggle

Today marks forty days since Anaïs arrived in our lives... before she was born I had intended to set this day to host a celebration of her life and a tribute to the new role Isabel has taken on as a big sister. And, a nice way to introduce Anaïs to our friends here in Bogota. But, as it happens, life had other plans. Following two blissful weeks of sleep and calm, the transition to a family of four began to show its challenges by the third week. On sleep... I just don't know how people manage to have little babies who sleep through the night. While we have many blessings, this is just not one of them for us. By week three our perfect little sleeper... who would calmly fall asleep in her own bed and sleep for 3-4hour stretches, decided that it was time to shift gears. Now, she will no longer sleep in her crib... despite efforts to allow her to continue to do so. All I can say is thank heavens for slings. I am carrying Anaïs all day and she will fall into deep slumber in a sling for up to three hours - which gives me the opportunity to go our to the park with Isabel or read books with her; of course, with Anaïs sleeping in the sling. It definitely makes for long days. The nights are not as difficult since Anaïs will sleep in bed, but wakes up more frequently. Somehow, the theory of sleep does not match our reality. On sharing... All of this change has, of course, had an impact on Isabel who seems to get no one-on-one time with mama anymore (i don't know what is worse... motherly guilt or her sad face when I cannot pick her up... though there are moments when i do my best to have both girls in my arms if necessary). Isabel is also not sleeping as well, waking up more often, and having more struggles than usual with ordinary things like bathtime, bedtime and meals. I will admit that sharing my time equally between two kids that seem to require me full-time is a huge transition. I know it is an opportunity for learning for all of us, but I also feel so overwhelmed at moments when I see that Isabel is struggling and there seems to be nothing I can do/offer to ease this change for her. On advice and self-confidence... As usual, there is no shortage of wisdom and advice from books, websites, friends and strangers. So much of it is well-intentioned, and appreciated. Yet in those dark moments when sleep seems a mere mirage and the loneliness of motherhood descends upon my mind... all of the advice transforms into self-criticism. What am I doing wrong? What could I have done differently? It must be my fault. An example: After two/three weeks of wonderful nursing, Anaïs began to lose her suction. This means she swallows a lot of air with each feed and in turn needs to be held upright for about 45-minutes to 1-hour after each feed as she lets the little air bubbles out. As I tried to seek out support on how to 'fix' this issue I read an abundance of different theories, one of which being that colic (she was also getting some abdominal pain) and gas are often a result of the over-supply of a mom's milk. So, the fact that I have too much milk is causing my daughter grief... argh!!! Either there is too little or too much... but somehow there must be some reason and this reason links back to the mom. So, not only am I feeling tired and overwhelmed, I am also feeling guilty that my body produces too much milk. Just one of a myriad of examples that seem to rattle our self-confidence as moms. Yet, when I look at the parents I know and see the choices they make... I am always inspired by the wisdom that we each have within us if we just put all the books aside and stop second-guessing. Of course, this is much harder to apply than to say. At the core of my soul I know that we are the best possible parents for our kids and we need to follow our hearts/inner instincts; yet in those dark hours all I can do is doubt myself as a mom... thinking that I should have done something different (oh those terrible 'shoulds') and wishing that someone else could tell me that I am not completely messing up. Why oh why do we seek out so much external validation, when the only real validation comes from within?!?! So, it is step by step and breath by breath... knowing this too shall pass (both the good and the ugly) so we must truly and faithfully enjoy each moment. Even if the moment does not fit into our 'expectations'. On isolation... there is magic and strength in numbers. The sense of community that we can feel with others who are sharing similar values and experiences is indescribable. At the same time, the lack of this kind of support network can make ordinary things feel overwhelming. I had forgotten how very isolating certain aspects of motherhood can be. Things as simple as breastfeeding, sleeping patterns and toddler woes/bruises can become unmanageable burdens when we have too much time alone and not enough time with friends to keep us in balance. As blessed as we have been with a wonderful community here in Bogota, I spend my days completely isolated from any adult conversation... I walk with Anaïs in the sling, pausing only for feedings and diaper changes; I try to keep Isabel happy, stimulated and engaged; I even try to bake something from time to time. I don't share a similar language with the people around me... and most of my friends are out and about during the days without easy access to conversation. Joshua gets home at the end of the day exhausted from work and still manages to engage in play with Isabel and takes care of bedtime... he is a wonderful father. By the time he is free I am pacing the floor with Anaïs to get her to stay calm and ready for a night of sleep. Last week I barely exchanged more than a few words with another adult in English... and my Spanish is still not nuanced enough to actually communicate about the trials and exhilirations of motherhood. So, the isolation of this experience is striking me with much greater force than I ever expected. Before the baby arrives, we are showered with attention, and once the baby is here we often disappear into oblivion and self-critique. On feeling positive... I will admit that I love being a mom. I love the highs and the lows... for I know that each challenge is one that teaches me to be a better, kinder, more patient individual. And despite the minor roadblocks, the love that I feel for my children seems to have no end. But none of this can eliminate the fact that children do not make a woman... and being a mother means facing some of our deepest fears and realizing our imperfections on an hourly basis (if not more often). To do this we need our friends and we need community. For me, it is also about being present in this very moment. I am so very lucky to have the tools to face this time with grace... I have my yoga, my breathing, and even from a distance, my many dear friends. It also means about eliminating the shoulds and living from the inside out. Trusting that which is inside us above that which comes from the outside. It is about letting our emotions be what they are right now... without fear and without judgment. It is about appreciating that each moment is exactly what it is meant to be... living it, accepting it, not trying to change it. Just as we live, we birth and we parent, so... Let go and relax... when you are calm, you feel the whole universe of happiness rocking gently beneath your consciousness ~ Paramahansa Yogananda. On learning and teaching... It is also about giving ourselves permission to feel what we feel... sadness, anger, disappointment, fear... and loving that emotion good or bad. Just as we do for our children. Or, perhaps that is also one of the learnings. So often we try to 'control' the emotional experiences of our kids... expecting that that should feel or behave a certain way in any given situation, getting frustrated (or embarassed) when our child has a tantrum. Yet, don't we all feel like having a tantrum sometimes? As adults we become much better at being discrete and nuanced with our emotions. Yet children are always real, in this moment. We can teach them to change the way they express certain things... but perhaps we need to be careful not to deny them the ability to express in the first place... for in doing so, we deny ourselves this same privilege. On symmetry... Anaïs was born on the 10th day of February, as her father was born on the 10th of July and her sister on the 10th of September. Anaïs marks the fifth granddaughter for Steve & Mallory, following a generation of five sons (so the gender imbalance has now come full circle). Anaïs was born nine days early, at nine in the morning, in the year 2009. On balance... There are definitely many challenges to be faced when moving from a family of three to four -- for the parents, for the older sibling, and of course the new world being faced by the new child. Yet there is also a remarkable sense of balance that arises... for us, it is as if Anaïs was always meant to be here. And while she may not be the perfect sleeper and we are having trouble with breastfeeding and I cannot put her down for a moment... her disposition is calm and full of grace. She seems to exude peace and bring it upon the room when she is present. Her sister, on the other hand, is a spark that lights up the space around her. And while she struggles with sharing her parents, she seems to have gained a whole new confidence for performing since her sister arrived... showering us with songs, silly faces and creative costumes for show (not to mention the dramatic performances when getting dressed, ready for bed, meals or bathtime)!! even the gifts people have showered our girls with reflect their unique impressions on the world... when Isabel was born she received notes of donations made to various foundations around the world, whereas Anaïs is being offered pretty dresses and organic outfits. The two girls are so different... and yet offer each other (and us) a complete sense of equilibrium.